Blessed by Community

This morning was my last morning at IDC.
And it was so bittersweet.

As I glanced around the room while on stage,
I was just awed by the grace that God has shown me
for the last year and a half while I've been at IDC.
His grace was personified by so many people who have
loved me and pushed me to Christ through the gospel.

This morning I was reminded of when I first moved to Raleigh.
I was begging the Father to bring me into a community of believers--
to show me what it was really like to live selflessly
and to love the Body well.
And He was faithful in answering that request.
I also have asked many times that our hearts
would be knit together in love.
And there are quite a few ladies that I know
the Lord has woven pieces of my heart to theirs.

Which is why,
my heart is broken by the fact that I have to leave.
It truly is.
But I wouldn't have it any other way.
This pain that I feel now is an evidence of the Lord's grace in my life.
I genuinely love this community.
And it's never easy to say goodbye to people you love.

But even in all this pain and sadness,
I still have fullness of joy in the Savior.

As I was doing some reading this afternoon,
I came across Psalm 40. Verses 16-17 resonated with my heart:
"Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; let those who love Your salvation say continually, 'The Lord be magnified!' Since I am afflicted and needy, let the Lord be mindful of me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God."
I can be glad and rejoice in Him.
I can continue to thank Him for the blessing this Body has been in my life--and I'm sure will continue to be as I keep in contact with people.
I can still praise Him for who He is and His faithfulness.
And I can trust Him for what will happen in the future.
I can trust that as I cry out to Him now to lead me to a community back in NM, that He will be faithful to do so.
I can trust Him.
What grace!

Anyway, this morning was a blessing.
And I'm looking forward to/dreading Tuesday night.
It'll be my last night with my Growth Group (small group).
Tears shall fall.
But I'm glad it'll be hard to say goodbye...because that means the Lord really did build us up in love.

Blessings.

Anxiety

Y'all, I've been having a harder time here recently. The past week or so I've been having mini anxiety attacks. And I know I shouldn't be having them and that I shouldn't be anxious about anything, but try just keep coming. I just don't know what to do. My heart starts beating faster, and my chest hurts like it's about to explode. But beyond that nothing is wrong.
In those moments, I have to remind myself of the Gospel. I have to walk myself through the Lord's abundant grace that He's shown me over the years. I have to constantly preach to myself so that I can push through this anxiety attacks and remember that He is sovereign over all.

I know that I'm supposed to go home.
I know I am.
But that isn't making this whole moving process any easier.
This past Saturday I went to Kings Dominion with a bunch of my friends, people who I consider my family. And getting to spend the whole day with them just hanging out and having fun was what my heart needed, but it was also a huge reminder of what I'll be leaving behind. Saturday was a huge evidence of God's grace. They were encouraging and loving. And it was wonderful to spend the day with them.
You see, the very thing I begged God  to give me while I was here--true biblical community--He's now taking away. I know that He will be faithful in providing community in NM as well. But I feel established with them. I feel like I can be myself and share my life with them. I've grown to love them all, and I deeply desire to see them grow deeper into Christ. I don't know of I could ever describe how hard it's going to be to say goodbye to them in a couple of weeks.
I am o so grateful to The Lord for the time He has given me with this group of believers. And I'm just so sad to see it come to an end.
My heart breaks every time I think of leaving.

But at the same time, I rejoice when I think that I only have two weeks left in NC.
Because that means that I get to go home. I get to see my parents and be there for them. I get to hang out with my sister and the rest of my family. And I get to see what The Lord has in store for me next. I think that could also be a contributing factor to my anxiety...I have no idea what to really expect in moving back home. I don't know where I'm doing to work. I don't really have a long term plan. I don't really know what in doing with my life...and that freaks me out a bit. But again, The Lord is faithful, and if He is taking me back home, then there is most definitely a reason for it.

So anyway, though I may be anxious about moving and everything, I am bringing those anxieties to the foot of the cross where I can lay them down before the One who is sovereign over them. I know I can trust Him. And I am so thankful that I can go before Him in prayer when I feel overwhelmed and anxious about this future that I am so uncertain about. He is good. He is faithful. He will carry me and guide me through