The Box Part 2

I got an email from my dad today.
Here's what it said:

The BOX contents have you wondering………  This is good---very good.

Some hints – it a small box.  So it’s none of the things you mentioned on your blog.  It involves sugar, and something that will be hot at some time and something soft.  There will also be some popping noises after you open the BOX. 

I must apologize – it will hopefully get into the mail today – I am at work and mom is at home sick today.  Steph has the day off, so I’m going to ask her to go to the house and get mom some soup for lunch and then take the BOX to the post office.

BTW, I’m allowed to drive you crazy.  I’m the dad.

And this dad loves you very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, now that the contents that I have thought were in

the box

have been ruled out,

my mind is now working overtime to figure out what is in 

the box.

So rude.

But so thrilling at the same time. 

Sometime this week I will be getting 

a box 

from my parents, 

and I can't wait to get it. 

Mainly because I miss my parents, 

but also because I am dying to know what is in

the box. 

On another note, 

today was quite thrilling.

A group of us girls from church

went to a nursing home

and delivered flowers and cards 

to widows

for Valentine's Day. 

They were so sweet and so very surprised 

that we would remember them. 

So, Happy Valentine's Day (a day early).

I know that it's a commercial holiday, 

and is usually reserved for couples. 

But I find special joy in it. 

It reminds me of how special it will be 

when I do actually have someone to share it with.

But not only that, but I find that this day

is one where I can encourage my fellow sisters in Christ

and remind them that they are loved. 

Blessings. 

The Box

So the other day while I was talking to my dad on his birthday,
he told me something.
He told me that he and my mom were getting ready to send me a package.
But then he proceeded to tell me that I would have to
wait
to find out what they were sending me.
Why even tell me that you're sending me something,
if you're not going to tell me what's in the box
That's what I want to know.
The past few days I have been going over and over
 and over in my mind what could possibly be in
the box.
And there are just so many possibilities!
I told them a couple weeks ago of a few things
that I wanted from home...
but I was thinking they would just send them across the country
with my grandparents when they take a trip out this way...
I don't know.
My guesses:
-my cupcake pans
-my cupcake books
-my Nintendo game system
-salsa

But that's all I can think of.
Gah, I just want to know!
(Obviously, I am not good with surprises.
They tend to drive me crazy.
So, future notice: don't tell me about something,
unless you fully intend to tell me a good majority of the details.
Because if you just tell me a little bit about it,
I will be going over every possible thing in my mind
trying to figure it out.)
Anyway, I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of
the box.
And I will post results
of what was actually in
the box.

Blessings.

A New Season

So these past couple of weeks have been all over the place.
Both emotionally and spiritually.
I have been watching God do some
amazing
things in my life and in the lives of close friends around me.
It's been incredible to say the least.
It's humbling and exciting all at the same time.

I don't even know where to begin talking about my life though.
But I know I need to be real about it.
Some of my biggest struggles over this past week have been spiritual.
The enemy has been bringing back a whole lot of junk that I thought I had dealt with.
But it's still there.
And it's something that I've been fighting through.
I said this last time, but I'm not going to sit by and watch as he tears me apart.
I'm ready to fight this battle.
No matter how hard it gets.
And it got hard this past Saturday.
I was lonely, homesick, and exhausted.
And satan took that opportunity to kick me while I was down.
He hounded me with thoughts of worthlessness,
stupidity, anger, jealousy, all the stuff in my past.
And I had to fight hard not to cave in and pity myself.
I told the Gospel to myself over and over and over.
I had to keep Christ at the forefront of my mind.
And I'm so very thankful that I did.

Along those same lines, I've been spiritually oppressed by the enemy.
It's not that he's just sending mean thoughts my way,
which he probably is,
but it feels almost as if he is bearing down on me,
trying to shove me to the ground.
Anyway, during these times,
I generally have a hard time sleeping at night.
I'll wake up in the middle of the night praying constantly.
Sometimes I'll even start pacing my room while I'm sleeping.
It's just restless nights.
And it's been hard.
I have early classes, and a lot to get done.
So I've been averaging a between 5-6 hours of sleep...
which I am totally not used to.
But even with the exhaustion,
God has been faithful to me,
just as He always is.
I find that I have just enough energy to get me through each day,
and I have just enough time to get everything I absolutely need to get done that day.
He is more than able.
And I just need to learn to trust in Him more.

But there is also good things happening...
friendships are seriously being grown/forged in my life.
For this, I am very thankful.
Very thankful.
Last semester, I was lonely all the time,
and I just didn't understand why I didn't have many friends.
It takes time to make friends.
I know that now.
But now I have them.
And I can't thank God enough.
They have been my sanity in all this.
He's truly blessed me.

As I've been going through all of this,
God has been drawing me closer to His heart.
I wish I could describe how amazing it is,
but I don't think there are enough words.
He's been revealing so much to me through His Word.
And He's been storing it up in my heart.
Some of my favorite passages right now are:
-Psalm 73:23-28
-Hebrews 6:17-20
-Hebrews 7:24-25
-Ephesians 3:14-21
They have been an encouragement to me,
as well as a challenge.
God still has the desire on my heart to proclaim the Gospel,
to be bold in my speech and my actions, and to love the hurting.
I ask, just like Paul, that you "pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me int he opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak" (Ephesians 6:19-20).

So, I may be entering a new season in life.
One of constant battle, exhaustion, and busy-ness.
But as long as the Lord is the center of my life,
and I am near His heart,
then I think I will be just fine.

Blessings.

I. do. not. like. bugs.

End of story, really.
But I guess I should give some sort of background.
Or at least the highlights.

Back in high school,
my chemistry classroom was right next to one of the biology labs.
So, occasionally, a cricket would escape and find it's way into my room.
Not too scary, right?
Wrong.
You see, I'm not a big fan of crickets.
They kinda creep me out.
I can handle spiders.
I squeal and get all jittery,
but I eventually get over it,
find a shoe,
and smash the thing to death.
However, put a cricket anywhere near me,
I will run to the other side of the room in a flash.
Don't like 'em.
Anyway, so there was one day when a cricket came wandering into our room.
And it started taunting me.
It quite literally chased me around the room for a good 5 minutes before someone finally killed the thing.

And that's when things started to get interesting in my life....

Ever since that moment,
at least one kind of bug every year has come directly for me.
Aiming to freak me out, sting me, or just bother me.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's the truth.

And they've mostly been crickets.

Example:
I was hiking with some friends a few years ago up in the mountains.
I know there's bugs up there.
But really,
most of the time they may jump on you, then leave you alone.
Not this cricket.
It decided to attack me.

Example 2:
Just this past semester I was sitting in one of the common areas in the dorm,
and a cricket jumped out of no where and landed quite close to my feet.
I squealed, jumped up, and ran across the room.
And it followed me.
Joy.
It took me a while to realize that it wasn't going to eat me or something,
and I finally sat down again.
But I couldn't relax, because it was still in the room watching me.

Example 3: (Non-cricket story)
Summer 2011 I was working on Hilton Head Beach with all the lifeguards, right?
Well, who knew, of all places, I would encounter the biggest bumble bee I have ever seen in my life.
I'm not even kidding.
It was about the size of a half-dollar coin.
Anyway, this thing decided to follow me.
It would circle me over and over,
almost landing on me before I would swat it away with my bag.
We decided to outrun the thing,
and we did!
But only for about a minute.
It found me again.
It was not fun.

Anyway,
all this shows that I do not have a fantastic history with bugs.


Long story short, there is a gnat-type bug that is buzzing around my computer screen right now.
And it's really bugging me.
And it reminded me of all my past experience with bugs.
That's all.

On a brighter note,
God is working.
Powerfully.
And I'm excited to share about it.
But not right now, because it's late,
and I should actually get some sleep tonight.

Blessings!

It stops now.

This past week has been good.
Classes have started.
And I think they'll be good this semester.
Well, for the most part anyway.
No, but really, I think God is going to use this semester to push me,
sanctify me,
and teach me some things.
So I'm excited.
It's going to be hard.
But I think I'm ready for it.

Well, the main reason I needed to write today is because I discovered something last night.
It wasn't something super profound.
But it was something I needed to know about myself.

I never realized how low my view of myself was.
I've never considered myself worthy of much.
Ever.
Because of past experiences, friendships, and other things,
I just always thought I was worthless.
I had bought into the enemy's lies.

And even though I have been delivered from my former way of life,
I still have this same view of myself.
I still, deep down, believe that I don't matter,
that everything I do is wrong somehow,
and that people don't really care what I have to say.
Lies. Lies. Lies.

I can't keep living like this.
It isn't glorifying to God.
And it isn't helping me at all.
Last night was a battle in my mind.
Seriously.
I was fighting all the lies I had been told over the years
with the truth I've been learning recently.
And it wasn't easy.
But it was worth it.

It's time to start living and believing that I am a Child of the King.
Because I am.
He has captured my heart.
And now I am wholly His.

So what I need is:
prayer--because this will end up being a life-long struggle for me. I know that I am going to have to constantly be on guard against these lies that will come up. And I am going to have to fight through them. So prayer is essential.
and encouragement--not that I'm fishing for compliments or anything. But I remember clearly summer 2010 when all this came to a head for the first time, and I thought I could do it on my own....by October I wanted to commit suicide. Obviously, I don't want that to happen again. So, instead, encouragement in whatever for would be appreciated. Bible verses, prayers, whatever. I don't care. But I know that I can't do this alone anymore. And I'm not meant to.

Anyway, I know that God has a lot in store for this semester.
I'm not exactly sure what all He has planned.
But I know that
it is good,
and
He is all I need.
Whatever may come,
my hope is in the Lord.

Blessings.

Sometime Soon

I hope to head out to a magical land
that is filled with roller coasters.

ha.

No, but really.
I have that itch to go ride roller coasters very, very soon.

So, I'm thinking it needs to happen.

While On Break

I was greatly blessed.
And I mean greatly.

My flights were uneventful.
I ended up getting home a lot later than I was supposed to,
but that's no surprise.
I don't think I've ever had a time when a flight was
actually on time.
But anyway,
I made it home.
And my parents, sister, and a few of my closest friends were waiting
to welcome me home.
It was amazing.

Over the two weeks I was home,
I got to spend a lot of time with
my parents,
my sister,
my friends,
my family, and
my dogs.

I also got to do a few things that I had greatly missed while living on the East Coast.
One of which being staring at the mountains.
I had almost forgotten the beauty of them.
I even got the chance to see the cross etched into them. Ah,
it was wonderful.
Truly, if you have never had the chance to see these mountains,
I hope one day you will travel to Albuquerque.
They are unforgettable; they are beautiful.
And they testify to how great our God is.

I also got to go to the River of Lights,
go on the Luminaria Tour,
both of which are yearly traditions in my family.
And they are incredible!
And so many times I got to see the city lights at night.
So beautiful!

Well,
after we rang in the new year,
it was time for me to head out to Atlanta, GA
with some friends for Passion 2012!
Woot Woot!
We had a 20 hour drive before us,
so we broke it down into 2 parts.
Part one: ABQ--->DFW
Part two: DFW--->ATL
Longest drives. Ever.
I thought that driving 27 hours on my own was hard.
This was harder.
I was just so ready to be at Passion...that the wait was worse.
But I filled my time by reading, talking, sleeping, and preparing my heart for what was about to happen.
(I read The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun on my way out there. Incredible book! Seriously.
If you have never read it, you should.
Brother Yun is a Chinese Christian,
and this book is his autobiography of what happened to him while he lived in China.
He has a powerful testimony.)

We finally got to ATL!
PTL!

I'm still in processing mode about what went down in the Dome.
God spoke to me in some powerful ways.
And I am pretty positive that I don't even know the full extent
of what He's done in my heart.

But what I do know is this:
I don't want to be silent or ashamed about what God has done in my life anymore.
I'm tired of being scared to talk to people about God simply because I'm not sure if they'll like what I have to say. Or because I don't want them to think badly about me.
I have a serious fear of man problem. I tend to want to please men rather than pleasing God.
This is a huge issue.
And it's time to put an end to that.
I'm ready to live a life recklessly abandoned to God.
No matter what the cost.
No matter what He tells me to do.
It's time.

God showed me a lot about my heart over these past few weeks.
He's showed me that there's still a lot of work to be done.
I'm still a work in progress.
And I pray and hope that He will never stop His work on me
until I see His glorious face in heaven.

God also showed me a passion in my life that He's been working on for a while.
Passion's focus was about freedom.
Freeing the 27 million slaves of this generation.
And through the stories of slaves
and the advocates of freeing the slaves and making the name of Jesus known,
God showed me that He wants me to be a part of this movement.
Not just by giving money to help end slavery,
but by actively praying and possibly even going to help.
He wants me to be involved.
And I want to be involved to.

So, I was blessed during break.
Not just by family and friends,
but by God speaking to my heart about a lot of things.

I don't know what's going to happen this week, this month, this semester, this summer, or this year.
But I have faith that the God of the universe,
and the Lord of my life,
will direct me down the path that He has set before my feet.
I just need to submit myself to Him
and He will take care of the rest.

Blessings in the new year!