This Madness Called Life

So I have seriously been
contemplating this post for a while.
I've thought of really creative
titles, themes, and stories
to tell.
But basically,
I just am a mess of ideas.
So many things are running through
my mind constantly.
If these ideas were legit marathon
runners, they would have
won 30 by now.
No joke.
Because of all these things
going through my mind,
I have been unable to just focus
on one specific thing to write about.
Therefore,
this will be a mix-n-match session.
I figure it could get pretty interesting.
I mean,
if you're willing to track with me for a bit.
I honestly just need to write--
get some stuff out of my head
and onto "paper."
So...
here goes.

Part 1:
Homesickness comes and goes a lot
these days.
There are days when I'm just fine.
And then all of a sudden,
a ton of bricks drop out of the sky
and land right on me.
(Not literally. But that's what it feels like.)
The deep desire and longing
to see my family again,
to give my parents a hug,
to sit and watch a movie with my sister,
to help my mom make dinner,
to curl up under one of my dad's jackets,
to sit around the dinner table with my family
and share a meal together all the while talking
about what happened that day.
I miss it.
All of it.
Even the hard days.
I don't think I ever realized how
hard it would be when I first moved.
And sometimes I just don't think I even
realized that it would just keep getting harder.
When there's so much going on back home
with my family that I wish I could be there to support
them through,
it's hard to be away.
And not just a couple of hours away,
I'm all the way across the country.
Over a 24 hour drive.
It's hard.
So,
these waves of homesickness
have come and gone a lot more
frequently over the last few weeks.
And they've been lingering a lot longer.
Sometimes one will hit,
and I just want to crumble under the weight
placed on my heart.
A lot of times I just start tearing up,
knowing that I can't go home
and see them...
yes, I can always talk to them.
And I do. A lot.
But it's just not the same.
...
But.
In all this,
the Lord is at work.
I will not take for granted
any moment that I get with my family.
Because it is precious.
Very precious.
I have very vivid memories
from when I still lived at home,
and I will forever treasure those times in my mind.
Those are what I remember
when I get a wave of homesickness.
Those memories help push me through.
But,
I am also looking forward to the memories
that are to be had in the future.
Specifically:
Thanksgiving.
It. Will. Be. Epic.

Part 2:

Last week,

Rach and I went to the fair with some friends!!

It was such a blessing!

We had a lot of fun 

hanging out in the Midway 

and playing some games. 

We even won some fish,

Jones and Pippin. 

(Both fish have since died.

Oh well, it was short lived.)

But anyway, 

our friends are from Turkey, 

and they had never been 

to an American State Fair. 

So this was a good opportunity 

for us to introduce them to one. 

And it was great to get to know them

better. 

I look forward to when

we get to spend more time with them!

Part 3:

I've been thinking a lot lately

about how desperately I 

am in need of Christ.  

I need Him to continue the work that He began. 

I need Him to continue to change my 

affections to Himself. 

And I've also been noticing

how hard it is for me to admit that. 

I don't like to admit that I am desperate. 

But the cross exposes my pride. 

I have to let go constantly. 

I have to allow God to move and 

work in my life. 

I am constantly having to recite

the Gospel to myself, 

reminding me of the depravity 

I was in before 

and of the grace that has been 

lavished on me

by the Father. 

It's beautiful.

O so beautiful. 

Part 4:
Lately,
I've been kinda feeling like I'm on the outside.
It's been hard.
I've been watching the people I
was really close to last semester
just kinda drift away.
And I feel helpless to do anything about it.
I've tried to re-connect.
But I just don't know if
there's much of anything left there.
You know how you have seasons
of friendships?
And sometimes it's worse to
try to cling to things?
I think that's where I'm at right now.
The Lord brought us together for a short season,
and it's starting to look like it's time to part.
But more than that,
I feel like I'm still waiting
to be ushered into a new family/friend group.
I don't know quite what to do.
But,
these kinds of things take time.
Especially with me.
You know,
I'm the shy, quiet girl.
I just have a hard time opening up to
people I don't know well.
Even in this, the Lord will have His way.
In my waiting and seeking after Him in all these
things, I've been
stricken
with a deeper affection for Christ.
I've been awed
by His grace, mercy,
and His love.
And though I may feel like an outsider,
I'm really not.
I've been brought into the family of God.
I've been welcomed by the Creator Himself.
And I am loved.
And God has blessed me with a wonderful
friend,
Rachel.
I thank God countless times
daily
for crossing our paths
and using us in each others' lives
to spur one another on towards
love and good works.
It's so encouraging.
And I'm so thankful for her.

Part 5:
Did I mention that
I'm
really
excited about going to Thanksgiving!?
It will be the first week off I've had in a long time.
But also,
it will be the first time that I'll see my family
since July.
I do believe that it is time
for some fam time.
I'll be spending a lot of quality time
with my mom, my dad, and my sister,
both individually and collectively.
And I'll get some good time with
my extended family.
There will be around 30 of us gathered
for the holiday.
Ah.
It will be lovely.
And,
can I just say that I am so excited about
Thanksgiving Day?!
Ho my word.
I found the perfect present for my dad.
And that's what we'll be doing on
Thanksgiving.
Ha.
Totes excited.
We're going to the
Cowboys v Redskins
Thanksgiving Day Game
at the Cowboys Stadium.
Yes,
that's right,
I finally got a present that I know my dad will enjoy.
But not only that,
we get to do it together.
My first NFL experience,
and it'll be with my daddy.
So. Good.
But anyway,
I can't wait for Thanksgiving week.
Seriously.

Part 6?:
Yes, Part 6:
I guess that's really...
never mind,
I have another story.
Ha.
So, Monday night I went to school,
had lunch with a friend to catch up,
went to work,
and then there was a concert that I went to.
You see,
I was tired that night.
I could have easily just left work,
but I chose to stay.
And I'm so thankful I did.
I ate dinner with a precious family.
They were such a blessing,
and they made me laugh so much.
And then I went to the concert with them.
It was a middle school band, choir, and orchestra concert.
Ah-dorbs.
I watch some of these kids in the
after school program I work for,
so I thought it would be cool
to go support them in this.
I thought I would only see one or two of them.
But instead I saw eight.
Eight of my kids were performing that night. 
And they were excited that I would
take some time to watch their concert.
It was so worth it.
It was worth being a little more sleepy the next day.


So.
I do believe that is all.
Well, for now anyway.
I still have a lot on my mind.
But, that's okay.

Blessings.

Sheets

can sometimes be difficult to find.
(So, just to forewarn you, this might
be one of the most random blog
posts I've ever done before.
Random.
But, I feel like I must write it.
Why?
I have no idea.
But I do.)

Anyway,
back in August, I bought a bed.
And what a absolutely marvelous bed it is.
Seriously.
It's memory foam.
It conforms to my body when I sleep.
It's so comfortable.
Well, when I bought the bed,
I didn't realize that my sheets wouldn't fit.
I figured my twin size sheets
should fit my new twin size bed.
Right?!
Nope.
They sure did not fit!
Well, that's not true.
One set fit,
but the other one didn't.
Funny thing is,
they are the same brand, same size.
So, here I was with only one sheet set that
fit my bed.
Just one.
And yeah,
I could have lived with just one sheet set.
But I just wanted one extra set,
just in case.
So,
I asked my parents for new sheets for my birthday!
It seemed like a smart idea.
I needed new sheets,
and I knew they would be happy to get me some.
When my birthday finally arrived,
I opened my gift from my parents,
and what do you know?
they got me three sets of sheets!
It was such a joyous occasion!
They were bright, vibrant colors!
And I knew they would match the other colors in my room!
I immediately took them out of the packaging
and put them on my bed to see if they would fit!
And they just barely did,
but I thought the just barely would be enough.
So I washed them.
...
The results weren't so pretty.
They shrunk.
A lot.
And by a lot,
I mean they wouldn't even reach all four corners
of my twin size bed!
It should not be that difficult to get sheets that fit my
silly bed!
Anyway,
all of the sheet sets that my parents got me
ended up not fitting my bed.
So, I ended up taking them back tonight.
In their place, I walked away
with one sheet set
(along with a few other things).
But this one sheet set is good.
I think it'll actually work.
I'm about to go take them out of the dryer and
see.
...
...
And we've got a winner!!
Woot!

Silly, I know.
But this is so exciting!
I have another sheet set now!

Anyway,
life is good.
It's been a long week.
But the Lord has been faithful
in it all.
And I'm so thankful He's still working in my heart.

Blessings.

Bones

So all of you who really know

me are probably thinking 

that I'm going to talk about 

the tv show Bones. 

Because I really like that show. 

It's probably one of my favorites. 

But anyway, 

you're wrong. 

I'm not going to talk about the show. 

You see, there's this song. 

It's called "Bones"

and it's by Hillsong United.

It's wonderful.

And for the past few weeks 

it's been on repeat in my brain. 

Take a listen. 

http://youtu.be/1zbx2x0Imh8

So anyway, 

it's really simple, right?

But the lyrics. 

They get me every time.

Every.

Time. 

It's a cry to the Father, 

asking Him to come and 

breathe life back into me. 

It's a cry for Him 

to teach me to love 

like He loves me. 

And why shouldn't I be asking that?

I mean, His Spirit is in me. 

I desire to see Him active and moving

in my life. 

But also in the lives around me. 

How incredible is it that 

I can even ask the Father 

to come and work in me. 

I shouldn't have any right to 

utter a word in His presence. 

But because of His great grace 

and mercy I can come before Him. 

It's beautiful. 

This song points me back to the 

Gospel every time I hear it. 

It reminds me of Ephesians. 

Yesterday Tony preached through

Ephesians 1:3-14.

I can't even describe how many times

I just about bawled my eyes out. 

God's grace is just so very evident. 

And as he was preaching, 

I just felt His grace fall fresh 

on my heart. 

Wave after wave 

washed over my soul

as I saw again and again in Scripture

how much He loves, 

how great He loves, 

and how richly He loves. 

I am so undeserving. 

But I'm not leaving this grace. 

I'm going to stand in it. 

Blessings.

To the Praise of His Glorious Grace

So.
The book of Ephesians has been
running though my mind over the past
few weeks.
Well, I guess it's been
a couple of months now.
Alicia and I have
been memorizing it.
And, this past Sunday
IDC has started going through
it as a Body.
What.
A.
Blessing.
The Lord has used
Ephesians in my life in great ways in the past.
Great ways.

Last night at Growth Group,
we were asked to reflect
on Ephesians and how the Lord has used it in our lives
to impact us.
Well, looking back at it,
I can see so many parts of my life
where Ephesians has had a huge impact.
I can remember that Ephesians 2:8-9
being some of the first Bible verses
I ever memorized.
About Two years ago I listened
to a podcast
of Cornerstone Church
preach through Ephesians.
A lot of what I heard,
the Lord used to capture my heart
and draw me towards a closer
relationship with Himself.
(That's when I was going through
my dark depression.)
Ephesians 3:20-21 came out
as one of my life verses.
I live thinking that if I live
for His glory,
then that is for my benefit.
He is so good!
Recently,
my heart has been changed by the Gospel.
Even more so than before.
I am constantly learning
that I am more desperate for the grace
that has already been lavished on me.
In memorizing on Ephesians,
I have discovered that the Gospel
is being drawn deeper and deeper
into my heart.
He's drawing me deeper.
He's making me want Him more.
And it's so wonderful.
Through Ephesians,
I have seen the Lord's pursuit
of me in a different way.
He is still chasing after me.
And I pray He never stops.

I am so excited to see what I learn
over the next weeks
that IDC spends in Ephesians.
I'm excited to see what the Lord
will teach me.
I'm excited to see how He will
continue to change my heart.
I'm excited to see how He
will draw His Body together as one.
I'm excited to see how He will lead
His people in living for His glory.

May my life be to the praise of His glory.
Blessings.

It's been a good day.

No, really,
it has!
Actually,
it's been a really great week.
The Lord has really worked in some powerful ways.
And I'm excited to share a little bit.

This week started out to be a little
crazy busy.
Mondays always seem to be the
busiest,
even though I only go to one of
my classes.
But, Monday was a blessing,
because Monday night
I got to spend some time
with Krystal
and help her do some things for her classroom.

Tuesday was lovely.
It was a good day at both jobs,
and I went to a new growth group.
So, it was good.
Even though I was overwhelmed by
new people,
the Lord still used that night
to continue to draw me to Himself.
It was so good.

Wednesday
the highlight had to be
dinner with Callie.
We got to enjoy chicken
(I tried out a new recipe),
mashed potatoes,
and green beans,
as well as each other's company.
Again,
the Lord truly blessed me
that night.
He encouraged me and pushed me
towards Himself
through our time of fellowship.
So good.
OH!
I totally almost forgot!
So, Wednesday,
Rach and I took a loaf of
friendship bread
over to the Turkish family
in our complex.
oh. my. word.
The Lord did incredible things in the 30 minutes we were there.
We got to know the wife, better.
But we also got to meet the husband.
Rachel also got to talk to them for a while about
religion.
And we shared that we are Christians.
And they actually want to
spend more time with us.
They want to come over to our apartment,
and have dinner with us.
Oh. my. goodness.
It's such an evidence of God's grace!
He is so good!
And I pray He continues to give us
opportunities to minister
and love on this family!

Thursday was a good day.
It was Missions Night at IDC,
and the team that traveled to Turkey
shared what went down.
I was serving in childcare that night,
so I don't really know how it went,
but Rachel told me that
the Lord moved in great ways there.
So, yeah.

And today.
TODAY
has been good.
I mean, really good.
I bought tickets for a football game,
so that I can take my dad to it.
Let's just paint the picture:
I am a girl who is not really into sports.
I especially am not a huge fan of watching games on tv.
It's just not fun.
But I do enjoy going to a game.
And I enjoy going to games with my dad.
His favorite team is the Dallas Cowboys.
Always has been,
always will be.
We're going to be in the area
for one of the best games of the season...
Thanksgiving Day Cowboys v. Redskins.
He loves watching the
Thanksgiving day game.
Loves it.
So, why should he not actually go to the game?
No reason not to.
So.
I got the tickets.
And we're going.
I'm so excited!!
I told him about it today,
and he's really excited too!

But anyway,
it's been a really good day.
The Lord has been abundantly
gracious this week.
I don't deserve it.
At all.
But I'm so thankful
that He's seen fit to shower me with His love.
The Gospel is still working in my heart,
and I can see His refining work
continue to change me more and more.
I am beyond thankful.

Blessings

Fall is the Best

My reasoning behind this?

Let me explain.

1. The weather starts to get cooler. 

I enjoy the cool weather. 

It is definitely the best. 

I love getting to wear sweaters

and curl up on the couch under a blanket

with the windows open. 

Dah. It's wonderful.

2. I LOVE PUMPKIN!

Okay, I know I may sound strange. 

But some of my favorite things are 

pumpkin things. 

Pumpkin spiced lattes, pumpkin pie,

pumpkin scones, pumpkin cookies,

pumpkin cake, pumpkin smoothies...

I mean, the list could go on and on.

But, generally, pumpkin-flavored things

are only around in the fall. 

Ergo, I love fall.

3. Candy corn is my favorite candy.

And it's only here during the first part

of the fall season. 

What does this mean?

I stock up. Big time. 

Last year I bought 4 bags of candy corn

and my mom sent me 2 bags. 

And I made it through 4 of them...

I still had them sitting in my closet. 

And when my parents sent me a care package

the other day...

guess what they included?!

That's right!

Candy corn! 

Holla!

4. Thanksgiving, my second favorite holiday, occurs during this season.

It truly is one of my faves. 

I get to cook good food. 

(As well as partake of it.)

And I get to hang out with family. 

And I'm especially excited about this year. 

It's going to be awesome. 

5. The Balloon Fiesta happens!!

I miss being present in ABQ for this. 

But at least I can watch it online. 

It was one of my favorite events to go to yearly. 

I even had a couple of birthday parties there. 

Yep, that's right. 

I would make my friends wake up at the crack of dawn

to go with me and watch hundreds of balloons 

go up in the air at the same time. 

It's a beautiful sight. 

And I missed going last year because

I was in NC. 

And I will be in NC again for it this year. 

But still. 

I will be watching it online. 

6. My birthday is during this season. 

Not that my birthday means very much 

to a whole lot of people.

But it's still my birthday. 

And I still like having fun with friends on my birthday. 

And stuff like that. 

7. The leaves change color. 

This is perhaps the most important of reasons. 

The leaves change color.

It is wonderful. 

I love all the reds, oranges, and yellows. 

Ah. 

I can't wait to go driving through the mountains

to see all the colors. 

I can't wait to sit on my couch 

and just stare at the loveliness 

that God has created. 

Fall reminds me of my creator. 

It reminds me that as things change

and seasons come and go, 

my God never changes. 

He is the One who has saved me. 

He is the One who has lavished His grace on me. 

I don't deserve it.

But He's done it because of His love.

And fall reminds me of that.

So. 

Those are my reasons. 

And I'm sticking to to them.

The Lord is good. 

Blessings.

Life is funny.

Well, most of the time that is.
The past few weeks
have been crazy busy.
But the Lord has taught me a lot
through them.
I've been having a hard time
here lately.
Not only with being homesick
and really missing my family.
But also with life in general.
I've been feeling excluded,
unloved, and unwanted.
But, as I've been coming out
of that period of darkness,
the Lord has allowed me to
look back at it
and remember that those were exactly
how I was before I knew Christ.
I was lost in the passions and lusts of the flesh.
I was excluded from all the blessings of
being a child of the Most Holy God.
I was not loved by the world,
but simply part of the cycle of sin.
I was not wanted by people,
but was used.
But now. This is just not the case.
The Lord has been reminding me
constantly
of His gospel and of His grace
and love for me.
He has made me more aware
of the people around me
who might be feeling those same things.
But most of all.
He's made me so thankful
for the people He has placed in
my life who really do care about me.
Those people who are by my side and
who I know are praying for me on a
consistent basis,
who are encouraging me.
To know these things
has been a huge blessing.
And I know the Lord will continue to grow
me and stretch me in this area.
I desperately need Him to,
that's for sure.

But, anyway.
I'm trying to make a rather big
decision right now.
And it's so frustrating,
because I just don't know what to do.
I don't know which path would be better.
And in reality, I think they are both good.
But, which would be better, or
in which would I grow most,
I have no earthly idea.
I have been praying for discernment and
wisdom about this for a while.
And I still have yet to come to a
conclusion.
But I know the Lord is faithful,
and He will help me make a decision.
He will guide me.
And in the end,
if I am trusting Him and pursuing after Him,
then whatever decision I make,
laying aside all selfishness,
will be His will for me.
He's not going to let me go down the wrong path.
He's going to keep me close to Him.
Which is what I have been asking for.
There is no black and white answer,
as far as I can tell.
But I know that He will be faithful.

Oh,
exciting news:
I am going to see my family for Thanksgiving!!
Yay!
I am so very excited about this!
And I cannot wait to head out to see them!
It will be one of the greatest blessings to see
all of them in November!

Um, but yeah.
That's my life:
work, school, church, friends, and spending time with the Lord.
It's a good life.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Blessings.