Only Three Weeks Away!

So today marks a very important day.....
I am only three weeks away from flying home to see my family!
Praise Jesus!
I honestly thought that it was going to take
forever
to get here.
But it's so close!
The weeks are just flying by,
and I know that they will continue to do so,
especially with how much I have to do over the next couple of weeks.
(With finals and the end of the semester)
And I am so completely excited!
I get to see everyone and spend time with everyone!
I already have plans with Morgan to do some stuff with her!
And of course spend ample amounts of time with my parents and sister, as well as the rest of my family.
I hope to go on the Luminaria tour on Christmas Eve.
And at some point during the two weeks I hope to go to the River of Lights.
Annddd hopefully go up to Inlow one day.
But, whatever I get to do,
I know that I am greatly blessed because God has provided a way for me to go home.
I am already thankful for the time that He's given me to spend with them.
I just can't wait to go!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, I have a feeling tomorrow will be crazy busy....
so I thought I would write this now, while I still have some energy.

I've done lots of baking while I've been here in the SC.
Homemade crescent rolls, turkey cake pops, and apple spice cupcakes have all been completed.
And it's been lovely spending some time with this precious family.
Absolutely lovely.
God has greatly blessed me with people to spend this holiday with.
Even though I greatly long to be home with my family in NM,
I know that He's planned it for me to be here.

Thanksgiving day is tomorrow.
And I am so thankful for so many things:
God and His mercy, grace, love, and sovereignty in my life.
my family (parents, sister, grandparents, etc.).
my friends (old and new).
my school.
my car.
where I live.
books.
laughter.
joy.
sorrow.
pain.
happiness.
grace.
forgiveness.
learning.
knowledge.
peace.
patience.
and so many other wonderful things.

God has greatly blessed my life.
Even though there has been pain and hardship,
I wouldn't have it any other way.
He's drawn me closer to Himself.
And I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.
Blessings.

The Silence is Creeping me out.

It's so quiet here.
There is no noise but the hum from my computer and the tapping of the keys.
It's insane.
Everyone is already gone for break.
Except for the random crazy few that have decided to stay a couple extra days.
(I am one of those few.)

So, it's a Friday night.
No one is here.
I feel like I should be productive and do something,
but I am so tired,
I am not motivated to work on any homework
or bake anything
or even go anywhere.
But I don't know what to do!
Oh the horror.

Well, it is Thanksgiving Break now.
Thank goodness!
I thought it would never come!
I head out on Sunday afternoon to spend some time with an amazing friend and her family!
And I'm so excited!
I can't wait to get away from the dorm for a little while.
It will be so great.

And only 30 days till I get to go home!
I can't believe how quickly time has passed!
I feel like the semester just began,
and here we are only three more weeks till it's over.
What happened??
It's insane!
But I can't wait to go home!
I miss everyone so much!
So the couple weeks that I get to spend with them will be oh so sweet, precious, and I will treasure it all.

Anyway,
I guess I'll go back to doing absolutely nothing.
Blessings.

Orphan Care

This whole past week has been about orphan care it seems.
Monday night was the Orphan Care Coffee House,
and I got to learn a lot about orphan care.
And God has been bringing this to mind this past week.
And today in church,
the teaching pastor, Tony, taught from Galatians 4:1-7
about Orphan Care and the Doctrine of Adoption.

We were orphans.
Jesus came, lived a life we couldn't live, died the life we should've died, so that we could be adopted by God into His family.
We are now heirs.
How incredibly blessed are we!

After hearing the message this morning,
I didn't want to be around other people.
(I now knew the reason why I drove alone to church this morning.)
So I left, and I spent some time alone with the Lord.
What does He want me to do in light of what He's taught me about orphan care?
1. Pray and pray hard.
2. Continue supporting Nekairo. (She's my Compassion child that I sponsor.)
3. Pray some more about how to serve next, where to go, what to do, etc.
4. Share the news with others.

I don't know what God has in store for me in this area.
I don't know if I'm just going to adopt in the future,
if I'll be come an advocate for children...
only God knows what will happen in my life.
But He's igniting a passion for the care of orphans, widows, and seeking out justice in me.
And I pray that He continues to fan the flame.

Looooong Day

Found out a friend from high school died in her sleep last night.
This is hitting hard.
Why?
Because I wasn't the nicest person to her.
I ignored her.
I tried to avoid her.
And now there's no way to ever apologize.
Time with Jesus is going to be greatly needed tonight.

And on top of that, it was a rough night at work.
The girls were psycho tonight.

Thank goodness the weekend is just around the corner.

Let's Be Honest

I have a really hard time opening up to new people.
It's not that I don't like meeting new people.
But until I have a lot of time to observe others and really get to know them,
I'm a really quiet person.
I always have been this way...
or at least for as long as I can remember.
I do admit that I have some trust issues,
And I'm working on overcoming those with the Lord's help.
But it's a struggle for me to open up to "newer" people.
Even if I've hung out with them for a few consecutive weeks.

The whole reason I'm bringing this up is just because I feel like a loner.
Seriously.
Here at school, I don't have that many friends.
I mean, I know a lot of people,
I have a lot of acquaintances,
But I don't really know people.
And that's a problem for me.
I crave people. NOT the attention of people.
But just being around people that I know, and that know me.
There's fellowship in just sitting with people. And I love that kind of fellowship.
I love to just sit and listen to other people.
And I haven't found much time for that since being here.
And I'm having a hard time finding my place.
Finding where God wants me.
It's a struggle.
This is probably mostly my fault.
I'm not good at all at putting myself out there,
Making myself vulnerable.
Often I feel like people look at me like I have my life completely together.
Like I'm putting on a face.
But I'm really not.
I just have a hard time showing my real feelings to people I don't know.
People I haven't had any real time with.
But, the problem is, I don't know how to fix this.
I don't know how to make new friends.
(I know that sounds really stupid.)
But I feel like I'm intruding on people when I want to hang out with others.
Or get to know them.
This has always been a problem with me.
I don't want to burden anyone.
And I guess that's how I've always seen myself: a burden.
But I'm learning that I'm not.
I'm not that at all.
And by thinking that for all these years,
I've, indeed, hindered my growth in my relationships with others,
But, more importantly, my relationship with God.
How dumb I am.
God has to teach me the same lessons over.
And over.
And over.
You would think by now I would have learned these things.
But I guess not.

It's so easy for me to express myself in writing.
I've always found comfort in writing out my feelings and thoughts.
But speaking to others and telling them what's really going on is hard for me.
Like this blog,
I have no idea how many people actually read this.
And I really don't care. Because this is a place for me to express myself.
But having a conversation with someone I don't really know is hard.
Extremely hard.
On the verge of impossible actually.
It's painful.
It's nerve-wracking.
And that explains why for most of my life I have avoided it.
But at the same time I so desperately want to know people and have them know me.
I want them to know my story and I want to know theirs.
I want to see the Biblical church come alive.

So how do these things balance out?
Jesus.
He's going to have to continue His work in me.
Which He's already begun.
(Just to let you know.)
He's already showing me that this is a problem,
And this needs to be dealt with by Him.
Am I going to allow Him to have control of this area of my life?
Absolutely.
Because I'm tired of being alone.
I'm tired of being afraid to speak.
And I want Him to be glorified in my life.
This change, it's not going to be easy.
But when has my life ever been easy?
Ha.
Oh, I can't wait to see what God is going to do through this.

God Answers Prayer

Seriously. He does.
I know we hear this said all the time.
But sometimes I feel like we forget this fact.
But I've been seeing this principle at work in my life so much lately.

Last week, for example, God answered a prayer.
My Growth Group has been praying for a girl to come to know Christ and trust Him for salvation.
We've been praying hardcore for her.
And last week, Tuesday, to be exact, she trusted Christ.
She became my sister.
And I've been able to witness a complete turn around in her life.
It truly is incredible.
And I'm so excited to see what God has in store for her.

Today is another example.
I was really having a hard time at seeing myself as beautiful.
(This is something that I struggle with off and on.)
And God brought me to Song of Songs 4,
And He reminded me that He thinks I am beautiful.
It doesn't matter what I think of myself.
He has created me without a flaw, beautiful.
So I was just praying that He would help me see myself as beautiful.
That He would remind me of my beauty inside and out.
So just after I finished talking with Him, I went to the basement to make my lunch.
When I got there, two friends were there eating some lunch and chatting.
And we got to talking about a lot of different things...
one of them happening to be about beauty.
And we were able to encourage one another, reminding each other how beautiful we were.
So two precious friends reminded me of my beauty in the Lord.
It was amazing.
I walked away feeling refreshed and amazed.
My God decided to answer my puny prayer about needed to know that I'm beautiful.
If He would answer that prayer,
What else could/should I be asking?

All too often I put God in a box,
limiting Him to what I know.
What if I started praying for things that are beyond the things I know?
What if I started asking big things from my big God?

Something to ponder the next few days.
Anyway,
God answers prayer.
He always has,
and He always will.
Sometimes we just have to take the time to be still
and listen.