It stops now.

This past week has been good.
Classes have started.
And I think they'll be good this semester.
Well, for the most part anyway.
No, but really, I think God is going to use this semester to push me,
sanctify me,
and teach me some things.
So I'm excited.
It's going to be hard.
But I think I'm ready for it.

Well, the main reason I needed to write today is because I discovered something last night.
It wasn't something super profound.
But it was something I needed to know about myself.

I never realized how low my view of myself was.
I've never considered myself worthy of much.
Ever.
Because of past experiences, friendships, and other things,
I just always thought I was worthless.
I had bought into the enemy's lies.

And even though I have been delivered from my former way of life,
I still have this same view of myself.
I still, deep down, believe that I don't matter,
that everything I do is wrong somehow,
and that people don't really care what I have to say.
Lies. Lies. Lies.

I can't keep living like this.
It isn't glorifying to God.
And it isn't helping me at all.
Last night was a battle in my mind.
Seriously.
I was fighting all the lies I had been told over the years
with the truth I've been learning recently.
And it wasn't easy.
But it was worth it.

It's time to start living and believing that I am a Child of the King.
Because I am.
He has captured my heart.
And now I am wholly His.

So what I need is:
prayer--because this will end up being a life-long struggle for me. I know that I am going to have to constantly be on guard against these lies that will come up. And I am going to have to fight through them. So prayer is essential.
and encouragement--not that I'm fishing for compliments or anything. But I remember clearly summer 2010 when all this came to a head for the first time, and I thought I could do it on my own....by October I wanted to commit suicide. Obviously, I don't want that to happen again. So, instead, encouragement in whatever for would be appreciated. Bible verses, prayers, whatever. I don't care. But I know that I can't do this alone anymore. And I'm not meant to.

Anyway, I know that God has a lot in store for this semester.
I'm not exactly sure what all He has planned.
But I know that
it is good,
and
He is all I need.
Whatever may come,
my hope is in the Lord.

Blessings.

Sometime Soon

I hope to head out to a magical land
that is filled with roller coasters.

ha.

No, but really.
I have that itch to go ride roller coasters very, very soon.

So, I'm thinking it needs to happen.

While On Break

I was greatly blessed.
And I mean greatly.

My flights were uneventful.
I ended up getting home a lot later than I was supposed to,
but that's no surprise.
I don't think I've ever had a time when a flight was
actually on time.
But anyway,
I made it home.
And my parents, sister, and a few of my closest friends were waiting
to welcome me home.
It was amazing.

Over the two weeks I was home,
I got to spend a lot of time with
my parents,
my sister,
my friends,
my family, and
my dogs.

I also got to do a few things that I had greatly missed while living on the East Coast.
One of which being staring at the mountains.
I had almost forgotten the beauty of them.
I even got the chance to see the cross etched into them. Ah,
it was wonderful.
Truly, if you have never had the chance to see these mountains,
I hope one day you will travel to Albuquerque.
They are unforgettable; they are beautiful.
And they testify to how great our God is.

I also got to go to the River of Lights,
go on the Luminaria Tour,
both of which are yearly traditions in my family.
And they are incredible!
And so many times I got to see the city lights at night.
So beautiful!

Well,
after we rang in the new year,
it was time for me to head out to Atlanta, GA
with some friends for Passion 2012!
Woot Woot!
We had a 20 hour drive before us,
so we broke it down into 2 parts.
Part one: ABQ--->DFW
Part two: DFW--->ATL
Longest drives. Ever.
I thought that driving 27 hours on my own was hard.
This was harder.
I was just so ready to be at Passion...that the wait was worse.
But I filled my time by reading, talking, sleeping, and preparing my heart for what was about to happen.
(I read The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun on my way out there. Incredible book! Seriously.
If you have never read it, you should.
Brother Yun is a Chinese Christian,
and this book is his autobiography of what happened to him while he lived in China.
He has a powerful testimony.)

We finally got to ATL!
PTL!

I'm still in processing mode about what went down in the Dome.
God spoke to me in some powerful ways.
And I am pretty positive that I don't even know the full extent
of what He's done in my heart.

But what I do know is this:
I don't want to be silent or ashamed about what God has done in my life anymore.
I'm tired of being scared to talk to people about God simply because I'm not sure if they'll like what I have to say. Or because I don't want them to think badly about me.
I have a serious fear of man problem. I tend to want to please men rather than pleasing God.
This is a huge issue.
And it's time to put an end to that.
I'm ready to live a life recklessly abandoned to God.
No matter what the cost.
No matter what He tells me to do.
It's time.

God showed me a lot about my heart over these past few weeks.
He's showed me that there's still a lot of work to be done.
I'm still a work in progress.
And I pray and hope that He will never stop His work on me
until I see His glorious face in heaven.

God also showed me a passion in my life that He's been working on for a while.
Passion's focus was about freedom.
Freeing the 27 million slaves of this generation.
And through the stories of slaves
and the advocates of freeing the slaves and making the name of Jesus known,
God showed me that He wants me to be a part of this movement.
Not just by giving money to help end slavery,
but by actively praying and possibly even going to help.
He wants me to be involved.
And I want to be involved to.

So, I was blessed during break.
Not just by family and friends,
but by God speaking to my heart about a lot of things.

I don't know what's going to happen this week, this month, this semester, this summer, or this year.
But I have faith that the God of the universe,
and the Lord of my life,
will direct me down the path that He has set before my feet.
I just need to submit myself to Him
and He will take care of the rest.

Blessings in the new year!