It stops now.

This past week has been good.
Classes have started.
And I think they'll be good this semester.
Well, for the most part anyway.
No, but really, I think God is going to use this semester to push me,
sanctify me,
and teach me some things.
So I'm excited.
It's going to be hard.
But I think I'm ready for it.

Well, the main reason I needed to write today is because I discovered something last night.
It wasn't something super profound.
But it was something I needed to know about myself.

I never realized how low my view of myself was.
I've never considered myself worthy of much.
Ever.
Because of past experiences, friendships, and other things,
I just always thought I was worthless.
I had bought into the enemy's lies.

And even though I have been delivered from my former way of life,
I still have this same view of myself.
I still, deep down, believe that I don't matter,
that everything I do is wrong somehow,
and that people don't really care what I have to say.
Lies. Lies. Lies.

I can't keep living like this.
It isn't glorifying to God.
And it isn't helping me at all.
Last night was a battle in my mind.
Seriously.
I was fighting all the lies I had been told over the years
with the truth I've been learning recently.
And it wasn't easy.
But it was worth it.

It's time to start living and believing that I am a Child of the King.
Because I am.
He has captured my heart.
And now I am wholly His.

So what I need is:
prayer--because this will end up being a life-long struggle for me. I know that I am going to have to constantly be on guard against these lies that will come up. And I am going to have to fight through them. So prayer is essential.
and encouragement--not that I'm fishing for compliments or anything. But I remember clearly summer 2010 when all this came to a head for the first time, and I thought I could do it on my own....by October I wanted to commit suicide. Obviously, I don't want that to happen again. So, instead, encouragement in whatever for would be appreciated. Bible verses, prayers, whatever. I don't care. But I know that I can't do this alone anymore. And I'm not meant to.

Anyway, I know that God has a lot in store for this semester.
I'm not exactly sure what all He has planned.
But I know that
it is good,
and
He is all I need.
Whatever may come,
my hope is in the Lord.

Blessings.