A New Season

So these past couple of weeks have been all over the place.
Both emotionally and spiritually.
I have been watching God do some
amazing
things in my life and in the lives of close friends around me.
It's been incredible to say the least.
It's humbling and exciting all at the same time.

I don't even know where to begin talking about my life though.
But I know I need to be real about it.
Some of my biggest struggles over this past week have been spiritual.
The enemy has been bringing back a whole lot of junk that I thought I had dealt with.
But it's still there.
And it's something that I've been fighting through.
I said this last time, but I'm not going to sit by and watch as he tears me apart.
I'm ready to fight this battle.
No matter how hard it gets.
And it got hard this past Saturday.
I was lonely, homesick, and exhausted.
And satan took that opportunity to kick me while I was down.
He hounded me with thoughts of worthlessness,
stupidity, anger, jealousy, all the stuff in my past.
And I had to fight hard not to cave in and pity myself.
I told the Gospel to myself over and over and over.
I had to keep Christ at the forefront of my mind.
And I'm so very thankful that I did.

Along those same lines, I've been spiritually oppressed by the enemy.
It's not that he's just sending mean thoughts my way,
which he probably is,
but it feels almost as if he is bearing down on me,
trying to shove me to the ground.
Anyway, during these times,
I generally have a hard time sleeping at night.
I'll wake up in the middle of the night praying constantly.
Sometimes I'll even start pacing my room while I'm sleeping.
It's just restless nights.
And it's been hard.
I have early classes, and a lot to get done.
So I've been averaging a between 5-6 hours of sleep...
which I am totally not used to.
But even with the exhaustion,
God has been faithful to me,
just as He always is.
I find that I have just enough energy to get me through each day,
and I have just enough time to get everything I absolutely need to get done that day.
He is more than able.
And I just need to learn to trust in Him more.

But there is also good things happening...
friendships are seriously being grown/forged in my life.
For this, I am very thankful.
Very thankful.
Last semester, I was lonely all the time,
and I just didn't understand why I didn't have many friends.
It takes time to make friends.
I know that now.
But now I have them.
And I can't thank God enough.
They have been my sanity in all this.
He's truly blessed me.

As I've been going through all of this,
God has been drawing me closer to His heart.
I wish I could describe how amazing it is,
but I don't think there are enough words.
He's been revealing so much to me through His Word.
And He's been storing it up in my heart.
Some of my favorite passages right now are:
-Psalm 73:23-28
-Hebrews 6:17-20
-Hebrews 7:24-25
-Ephesians 3:14-21
They have been an encouragement to me,
as well as a challenge.
God still has the desire on my heart to proclaim the Gospel,
to be bold in my speech and my actions, and to love the hurting.
I ask, just like Paul, that you "pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me int he opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak" (Ephesians 6:19-20).

So, I may be entering a new season in life.
One of constant battle, exhaustion, and busy-ness.
But as long as the Lord is the center of my life,
and I am near His heart,
then I think I will be just fine.

Blessings.