The Greatest Joy of All

Last week in church

my pastor Tony Merida said,

"Our greatest joy comes when

we pursue His glory. 

When we long for His glory

to be made known in our lives, 

we will be fulfilled."

We were going through 

the plagues

in Egypt in church, 

and that small quote kinda stuck with me.

He asked so many questions 

that Sunday too:

"To whom are you looking to provide for your needs?

To whom do you look to for comfort in your trials? 

Who do you trust?

In whom are you trusting for sustaining power?

To whom are you looking to for love, joy, identity, and beauty?

"To whom are you looking to for ultimate healing?

Where do you go for shelter and peace in the face of the storm?

To whom do you look to for daily provision?

Who is your Savior?

[And the biggest question of all:]

WHO IS YOUR GOD?"

So, basically, all of these things

have been running around inside 

this head of mine

all. week. long.

I kept going back to them.

But ultimately, 

I kept going back to 

Him. 

Especially after the week that I had. 

At the beginning of the week

something happened.

And I didn't know how to respond 

really, except for crying.

And cry I did. A lot. 

But even in that, 

I was able to start seeing 

how God was at work in the situation.

I'm not going to lie,

I was hurting and in pain. 

(And I still am to a certain degree.)

But, God is bigger than my pain 

and hurt, and He can use that 

for His glory. 

I wanted to shrink back. 

I wanted to shy away from 

friends that I had begun to get close to.

I wanted to run and hide. 

I didn't want to face the pain or hurt.

Because it was too hard for me.

It's always been too hard for me.

But God had another plan. 

(Just like He always does.)

Instead of running and hiding,

God told me to face the pain, 

to embrace it.

What?!

Everything in me rebelled against

that very idea. 

Embrace the pain?

Embrace the hurt? 

Why on earth would I ever 

want to do something like that?

Because it's through this pain

that God is going to mold me

and shape me 

more into the 

image of Christ. 

And that's precisely

what

I have been asking Him to do. 

I've been asking God to

sanctify me and help me grow. 

Surprise, surprise. 

God actually brought situations into 

my life that would do such things.

That morning, I was reading through the end of 

Hebrews 10. 

Verses 32-39 to be exact. 

"But remember the former days, when, after being enlightened, you endured a great conflict of sufferings, partly by being made a public spectacle through reproaches and tribulations, and partly by becoming sharers with those who were so treated. For you showed sympathy to the prisoners and accepted joyfully the seizure of your property, knowing that you have for yourselves a better possession and a lasting one. Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised. 'For yet in a very little while, He who is coming will come, and will not delay. But My righteous one shall live by faith; and if he shrinks back, My soul has no pleasure in him.' But we are not of those who shrink back to destruction, but of those who have faith to the preserving of the soul."

The last verse hit me hard. 

God doesn't call me to be one who 

shrinks back.

He wants me to fight.

And fight hard. 

I wrote in my journal that morning after I read this passage:

"Don't shrink back. Don't let the discouragement or trials of this life scare you or beat you down. But, instead, trust God. Keep the faith, knowing God is moving and working. Even in the moments you think you can't keep going, keep trusting. Rest in the Lord. Trust Him for all things. All things are possible for God. Remember WHO you serve. And be confident in Him alone. He is worthy. 

No matter what comes my way, I choose to serve Him and love Him."

After that, 

I don't think I still 

had a grasp of what God was trying to show me.

I was still struggling hard

with what had gone down earlier,

but somehow, 

my faith in God was growing 

stronger.

I knew that He had to have a plan.

Because if He didn't, 

then my life would be pointless.

And I know my life isn't pointless.

Therefore,

He has to have a plan. 

So, this brought me hope.

Even in the pain, 

I still had hope.

Hope that it wouldn't all be 

for naught.

Hope that He would

continue working in me.

Hope that one day

I would actually understand

the situation I'm going through.

And hope that He would 

provide everything I would need 

to make it through each day.

So, each day this week,

I've just been taking it 

step-by-step.

I've been depending on

God for everything.

I still have moments 

when my heart wrenches in 

my chest

and I have to stop and breathe.

It hurts that bad sometimes.

But in the end, 

those are the moments 

that I am starting to treasure.

Because I know that in this pain,

God is at work. 

There were so many times

during the week when I just 

wanted to give up. 

I didn't want to be in leadership.

I didn't want to go to school.

I didn't want to talk to people.

(Maybe a few people more than others.)

I didn't want to try anymore. 

But God always brought me back 

to the foot of the cross. 

He reminded me of my purpose:

to bring Him glory. 

He reminded me that there will

be times when life is going to suck. 

It's not always going to be 

perfect 

[much to this perfectionist's dismay]

or easy.

In fact, 

a good majority of the time,

life is going to be hard,

messy,

and crazy.

But it's in the latter

that God works best.

He shows His power, 

His might, and 

His glory.

Instead of avoiding these times,

I need to start embracing them.

And this is what 

God is teaching me to do

through this time in my life.

My life is messy right now.

But it's right where God wants me.

I may hurt sometimes,

but the God of all comfort

is with me.

I am so confused about the future 

and so many other things right now,

but God has taken hold of my hand

and is guiding me through it all.

I may want to shrink back,

but God is pushing me forward, 

and I will follow Him down this path.

I want to be consumed with the pursuit of God.

Blessings.