Nothing Profound to Say

I don't really have anything much to say. I guess this is just going to be more of an update of this past week more than anything else. So, here we go.

Since last week, a lot has happened actually. It's been a rather busy week, and it's been a blessing. Last weekend was my hybrid class, so I had to sit in a classroom for like 10 hours between Friday and Saturday. It was hard. And I will never do it again. haha. No, but seriously. It's not going to happen. It was so hard to stay focused on that class while I was there. But it's over, and I don't have to worry about it anymore. Thank goodness. I also got to Skype with my parents last Saturday! Now, that was a huge blessing!! I have missed them so much over these past few months. So seeing them while I was talking to them was so much greater than I could have ever asked for. Sunday was great. I got to serve in childcare and then I hung out with friends the rest of the day. So I was greatly blessed.

The week was rather good as well...nothing really to complain about. I gave my final speech in Communications on Monday night, so now I'm basically done with that class. The rest of the week I've just been doing schoolwork and going about the normal stuff.

I've seen a lot of improvement in my Bell's Palsy! God is so good! I am so thankful for all the prayers that everyone has been sending up before the Father on my behalf! I don't deserve the things that God does for me, but I am so thankful that the Lord has chosen to help me through this time. This time last week, I was not able to move the right side of my face at all. But today, I can say with great joy that I can move some of the muscles around my eye, I can slightly tug at the corner of my mouth (barely pulling it into a smile), and I can barely flare my nostril. Now, I know that it doesn't sound like too much. BUT it is. It really is a HUGE improvement. And all the glory for healing goes directly to the Lord. This is nothing that I could have done, and there's no medicine that can heal me. The Lord is good. He is healer.

I was really oppressed on Thursday. I just felt beat down, pushed down, and hurt. And it was hard to keep going. I just wanted to hide away in my bed all day and not move. But I had some responsibility, so I had to leave my room. But once I was done with work, I just stayed in my room. And, honestly, it was what I needed. I have been surrounding myself with people a lot this semester. And it's not a bad thing, but I just needed some time to myself that day. It was great. Seriously. It was.

I went to the Campus Yard Sale today, and I got some great deals! I found a good size wok, a pie plate, a hand mixer, and a knife set for $20. Woot! I love getting bargains. These things will all help with moving into an apartment, so I'm excited for August when I can put them to good use!

Um...
I am getting so terribly excited about going to American Samoa! I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store! It's going to be such an amazing journey. And I just want it to start! It's only 31 days until I fly out...oh my goodness. We're so close!

There's still so much to do before I leave though! I'm going to have to move out of my dorm room, finish up school, and pack everything up. It's a lot. But I know that I can do it. The Lord is faithful and He will help me through this time in my life.

The Lord is so good! And I am constantly amazed by His provision. He provides in so many unexpected ways. And I just don't deserve Him. I don't deserve to be in His presence. But I am so thankful for the sacrifice of His Son, so that I can come before Him based on Christ's righteousness. He is so good.

Last night was pure bliss. It really was. The women of my church gathered together at our building last night. And we prayed. We got together and had dinner together. And during that time I got to meet a sweet woman and get to know her a little bit. Then we worshiped together--glorifying the Father. After a sweet time of singing, we entered into a time of prayer. There were different stations set up around the church building, and we could go to each as the Spirit led and pray. Pray for what God laid on our hearts. Pray through the prompts that were set up in each room. Pray for our family and friends. Pray for salvation of many. Pray for our church. Pray for our nation. Pray for the world. Pray. Pray. Pray. It was incredible. And the Lord showed up. He was among us listening to our cries. His presence was undeniable. It was so beautiful. After the sweet time of prayer, we came back together and sang some more, finishing the night bringing glory to God. And then we ate some dessert and talked with one another afterwards. It was such a blessing to gather with the women of my church and pray. I really hope that it happens more often. Not necessarily having dinner and what not, but just gathering together and praying. I want and desire to do that so often. So I hope that more from IDC will be encouraged to pray and get involved in the prayer ministry that we have at IDC.

I am expectantly looking forward to what will happen over this upcoming week. I'm excited to see how God is going to work and move. He is good. And He deserves the glory for my life. I hope and pray I am living solely for Him.

Blessings.

Learning to Look at Myself Differently

Okay,
so,
I have been diagnosed with
Bell's Palsy.
Basically this means
that half of my face is paralyzed.
It can be caused by
a virus,
stress,
or the body can just shut down.
Well,
I'm not exactly sure why
this has happened.
I didn't think I was sick,
but the doctor gave me
an antiviral just in case.
I didn't think I was stressed,
but having this has kinda
made me feel stressed. haha.
So, I just have to wait for
my body to heal.

Which, is kinda frustrating,
not going to lie.
I have a hard time with
patience in the first place,
but, seriously, I guess I'll be
learning to wait for this to happen.
The Lord has a plan.
He's got this under control.
And He will help me through this.

But really,
I wanted to write because I
think I have an idea of
what I can learn through this.

For a while,
I've been asking God
to show me how beautiful
I am and to change
my view of myself.
I had gotten
so caught up in
my physical looks.
I thought I wasn't
pretty enough
because I didn't look
like other girls.
I wasn't skinny like them.
I wasn't beautiful like them.
And I knew that I was wrong.
I am beautiful in my own way.
I am just the way God
created me to be.
And I needed His help to see that.
This past month
I've been intentionally
focusing on God and seeking to
know Him better.
And through that,
I knew that He would
transform my view of myself.
Through this,
I have come to see that I am
beautiful.
And not just physically,
but also spiritually,
and that is the more important one anyway.
God has made me
in His image.
How much more beautiful could that be?

But anyway,
I think that during this time,
I will be able to shine
brightly
for the Lord.
I have slowly become
more comfortable
with the way I look
with Bell's Palsy.
It still feels super
weird.
But, I'm not wanting to hide
my face away from people
because I'm afraid of what
they'll think when
the right side of my face
doesn't move when I talk,
laugh, or smile.
It doesn't matter.
If this had happened
a few months ago,
I would have hidden myself in my
room and not left.
But now,
I'm not so afraid.
I know that I'm
beautiful,
and the way I look is not
going to change that.
So the Lord is definitely
teaching me to look
at myself differently.
And this time,
I'm actually learning.

Blessings

Stress

does crazy things to my body,
I guess.
Over the course
of this past week
my jaw and ear
have begun
to ache,
I've become
super dizzy,
and just recently
the right side of my
face has become
numb
and is not responding
very much.
This is all so very
bizarre.
I just don't understand
what is happening
in my body.

I desperately wish that I
knew though.
I'm going tomorrow morning
to see a doctor about
it all.
So, hopefully I'll have some of my questions answered.

I started crying
this morning
cause I was freaked out
and I didn't understand
why this would happen.

But I'm okay now.
I know that the
Lord
has a great and awesome
plan through all this.
I just have to trust Him
and continue to follow after Him.

So, prayers would be
greatly appreciated for quick
healing and for me not tt be
so self-conscious about the
way my face looks.

Blessings.

Intense.

I'm pretty sure

that would describe

what this week 

has been like so far.

And it's only Wednesday.

Basically,

the Lord has completely

convicted me about a lot

of things in my life.

I had built up

a lot of 

idols.

I had let 

other good things 

become more important

than Him.

Not that I wasn't spending time

with Him,

but that I wasn't 

being intentional

in digging deeper,

in truly connecting

to the Vine. 

He's shown me where I've 

fallen short

over the past few weeks.

And it hasn't been 

easy to look at myself this way.

But it's been necessary. 

And I'm so thankful that it's happening right now.

So. Very. Thankful.

I've allowed 

dumb situations

to take precedence over my 

relationship with Christ. 

And that's not okay with me.

I've allowed my feelings to reign. 

I've allowed situations and feelings

to dictate the 

way I treat others. 

And I feel so stupid about that.

It's impacted my 

friendships,

any potential ministry 

that could have taken place,

and my relationship with God. 

I've been starting to 

read through the book of 

Jeremiah; some verses really stood out to me.

Jeremiah 1:16

"I will pronounce My judgments on them concerning all their wickedness, whereby they have forsaken Me and have offered sacrifices to other gods, and worshiped the works of their own hands."

How convicting! 

I was doing that. 

I was worshiping other gods, 

my idols. 

And I had left God bringing Him 

what was left. 

Jeremiah 2:11

"Has a nation changed gods when they were not gods? But My people have changed their glory for that which does not profit."

What I had exchanged God for

did not profit me in the least.

I have learned lessons from it, 

but there could have been a different way

to learn those lessons. 

Praise the Lord for

forgiveness and redemption!

Jeremiah 3:12-13

"'Return, faithless Israel,' declares the Lord; 'I will not look upon you in anger. For I am gracious,' declares the Lord; 'I will not be angry forever. Only acknowledge your iniquity, that you have transgressed against the Lord your God and have scattered your favors to the strangers under every green tree, and you have not obeyed My voice,' declares the Lord."

In Him I can find forgiveness. 

And to Him I have run.

I need Him. 

Desperately.

I know that this will 

not be the last time I will sin. 

But I want and desire

for the Lord to work in my life.

I want Him to cover me

and continue the work of

sanctification 

that He has begun long ago. 

I know my potential and 

my tendency to run 

to idols, 

so I need to learn

to keep my eyes focused 

only on the Lord.

Jeremiah 10:1-16.

Read it. 

It's incredible. 

It's a reminder that the things of this world

could never compare to the Lord. 

Because He is the Lord. 

So. 

And even during this

time of confession,

a lot of other things have 

been going on. 

There's a lot of changes 

happening right now. 

And it's freaking me out.

There's a lot of unknowns

right now. 

I think that's the most difficult part. 

Unknowns.

I don't know what to do with them.

But there's only one thing to do:

PRAY!

So I am. 

A lot. 

Anyway. 

That's really all. 

I don't have anymore 

insight. 

Blessings.

The Wild Weekend

What a weekend!
I am still exhausted
from the crazy
shenanigans.
But it was totally worth it.

Friday we left for
Kings Dominion
at 7am.
(And by "we"
I mean me and 4 friends.)
It was a
3 hour
drive.
But it seemed to pass by
rather quickly.
We were laughing,
dancing,
singing,
and I was
so excited
about getting to ride roller coasters.
I'm pretty sure none of my friends
had ever seen me
that 
excited before.
We only had one snag
the initial leg of the journey...
we got pulled over.
But what did we get
pulled over for??
Not speeding.
My friend had her graduation tassel
hanging from her rearview mirror...
and that's against the law
in Virginia.
It's an "obstruction to the view."
Ha!
So they pulled us over for that.
We got a verbal warning,
and then were released to go
on our merry way.
We spent the ENTIRE day at
Kings Dominion,
which was fantastic!
There were SO MANY roller coasters!
Anyway, after the day was over,
we got some dinner,
then drove to our campsite....
where we encountered another cop.
But this one helped us figure out where to go.
So, it wasn't a bad thing.
We got our camp set up,
and then went to bed.
Needless to say,
we laughed a lot Friday,
and a good time was had by all.

Saturday we got up,
ate breakfast,
(the boys cooked!),
and we went out to the beach.
It was a little chilly,
but it was still lovely.
We all just slept under the sun
on the sand for about an hour
or so.
Perfect.
And then we just hung out
on the boardwalk.
Stephen brought his
guitar and played and
Colby sang along.
(They earned some money
doing so...$3 each.)
But it was a lot of fun.
Finally, we decided that
we should get some dinner,
then head back home.
So we did.
The car ride back
was a lot of fun.
We laughed a lot.
But we also had some
really great conversation.
And it was good.
It was good
to get away for a little while,
to spend time with friends,
to de-stress,
to enjoy God's creation,
and to just relax.
We got back around 1030
Saturday night,
but I still had to get
some food ready for the
pot luck
at church the next day...
so I was up rather late.
But, it was worth it.

Easter arrived the next morning!
And it was a wonderful
celebration at church.
Seriously.
It was great.
And then afterwards,
we had a good time of fellowship
as we, as a church family,
shared a meal together.
It was good to be around
family this Easter.
If we hadn't had that,
I would have felt very alone...
(Easter is a big family get-together
back home,
and I'm not back home.)
So I'm very thankful
God gave me a family
to spend time with.

I'm not ready to go back
to school!
I'm really not.
I just want this semester
to be over.
I know, I know,
only 5 more weeks.
But really,
I just don't want to do it anymore.
I have zero motivation.
But I must keep going.
I must finish out strong.
And I will. With the Lord's help.

This weekend really opened up my eyes
to how slack I've gotten
in my relationship with Christ.
I was slacking off on spending time
in the Word
and praying.
I'd become okay
with where I was spiritually.
And that's not okay with me anymore!
I don't want just an "okay" relationship.
I want a growing, vibrant relationship
with my Savior.
So, whatever it takes,
I want Jesus to wake me up
out of my slumber,
and get me going again.
I know that I'm not always going
to be super on-fire for God,
but I still want to be
completely 
consumed
by
HIM.

So, that's where I'm at right now.
I'm tired.
I'm ready for school to be over.
And I'm ready to see what
God is going to do in my life next.

Blessings.

It's hot here.

Well,
it's officially April,
which is kinda crazy.
With each year,
time seems to go by
so much faster!
But, that's the way it goes
I suppose.

I guess a lot has
gone down since I
last posted.
So I shall have to play catch-up.

The Lord has been very
gracious to me over the last couple
weeks.
He's been teaching me,
helping me,
providing for me,
and loving me through
so much.
And I can't help but be
grateful.
I've been learning what it means
to patiently wait on the Lord
and to learn through the
circumstances that He places in
your path.
This process has not been
easy.
But I am striving to learn
what I can
and see what He does with
the rest.
I know that
He is faithful and loving.
And I put my full hope and trust in that.

Two weekends ago,
a group of friends and I
went to see
The Hunger Games
movie premier at
midnight!
It was epic!
I must say that it was a
great representation of the book.
And, I was just glad to have gotten to see it
right when it came out.
And it was also a lot of
fun to go with some close friends.
They made the night a lot better.

That weekend
I also worked at a D-Now
in Durham.
A group of 11 churches got together
and did a D-Now weekend
called Metamorphosis.
I ended up being with a
group of 13 6th grade girls.
And they were all awesome.
They wanted to know more
about the Lord.
But I think one of the greatest
blessings from that weekend
was the host home I was with.
The host mom was very encouraging
and she loved the Lord.
But one of her friends was
there to help as well.
And I got to know her more.
She was a Methodist,
and we got to talking at one point
about the differences between
Southern Baptists and Methodists.
And it was so encouraging to see
that despite the differences
we could still work together and
see the Lord at work in great ways.
It was such a good reminder of
how great and powerful God is,
that He can and does work outside of
denominational barriers,
and that He loves seeing
all His children come together for the
same purpose:
His Name being glorified.
We saw the Lord save 5 girls
in our group that weekend.
And I pray that the church
I worked with follows up with
those girls, gets them plugged in
and starts discipling them.

Last week was a busy week.
It was filled with homework,
friends,
reading,
church,
and
fun.
I had a lot of chances
to hang out with a lot
of different friends,
and that was a huge blessing.
And I got a paper
written!
Yay!
But, most importantly,
my car was fixed!
She will no longer be going over
the speed limit without me knowing.
haha.
It took all day
on Friday,
but now she drives at the speed
that I think I am actually going.

Saturday I got the chance
to to to the
Wake County Book Sale.
Let me tell you,
there were
thousands,
and thousands,
and thousands of
books.
It was beautiful.
And if I could have,
I would have gotten a lot of them.
But God thought He would teach me a
lesson that day.
I walked into the Book Sale thinking
I would get a few books.
But as I was walking around the warehouse-sized room,
I couldn't help but feel guilty.
Here was a very clear picture of a form of
gluttony.
I know, it's hard to think of
"book gluttony."
But it's the truth.
Here in America we take advantage
of all the stuff we have.
I know I do.
Everything is so easily accessible.
Stores are on every corner.
We have libraries, coffee shops,
etc.
And it's so easy to get caught up
in storing up treasures
here on earth.
It's easy to hoard
anything and everything.
Here I was searching for books that
I don't really need,
while a child in Africa is
searching for food to survive.
Or there's a girl in Greece
searching for someone to help her
escape from her traffickers.
Or there's a man down the street
searching for the truth.
Jesus commands us to store up
treasures in heaven.
How do we do that?
By focusing on Him,
following Him,
and doing what He commands us to do:
make disciples.
So, I ended up getting
one book,
and God taught me a lesson.
The treasures of this earth
continue to look far less
desirable
than serving God.

This week has been rather low key
so far.
Thank goodness.
Monday was just a chill day.
I got a lot of homework done.
Yesterday
Rachel, Megan, and I
drove down to Bishopville, SC,
so that I could pay my ticket.
The presiding officer who
was overseeing my ticket
ended up greatly reducing my
fine.
Such a blessing!!
So after showing up in court,
we started the 3-hour journey back.
We had a lot of fun,
a lot of good, encouraging
conversation,
and it was such a blessing to have
them with me.
When we got back,
we ran a lot of errands.
And we ended up hanging out the
rest of the night
with a couple of other friends.
So, I do have to say,
it was one of the best days.
Today will be filled with homework,
as will tomorrow.
But Friday and Saturday?
Those are going to be two great days.
Seriously.
I cannot wait.
:)

About my trip to American Samoa:
my tickets are bought!
God is blessing the fundraising efforts greatly!
(so much more than I thought He ever would!)
I am preparing for what God is going to do!
Please keep praying!

Anyway,
God is so good.
I don't deserve His blessings,
but He is gracious,
and He continues
to bless me more than I deserve!

Blessings!

(Oh, and it's super hot here.
The a/c keeps getting turned
off
in the dorm.
So it doesn't make for a cool
room.)