Learning to Look at Myself Differently

Okay,
so,
I have been diagnosed with
Bell's Palsy.
Basically this means
that half of my face is paralyzed.
It can be caused by
a virus,
stress,
or the body can just shut down.
Well,
I'm not exactly sure why
this has happened.
I didn't think I was sick,
but the doctor gave me
an antiviral just in case.
I didn't think I was stressed,
but having this has kinda
made me feel stressed. haha.
So, I just have to wait for
my body to heal.

Which, is kinda frustrating,
not going to lie.
I have a hard time with
patience in the first place,
but, seriously, I guess I'll be
learning to wait for this to happen.
The Lord has a plan.
He's got this under control.
And He will help me through this.

But really,
I wanted to write because I
think I have an idea of
what I can learn through this.

For a while,
I've been asking God
to show me how beautiful
I am and to change
my view of myself.
I had gotten
so caught up in
my physical looks.
I thought I wasn't
pretty enough
because I didn't look
like other girls.
I wasn't skinny like them.
I wasn't beautiful like them.
And I knew that I was wrong.
I am beautiful in my own way.
I am just the way God
created me to be.
And I needed His help to see that.
This past month
I've been intentionally
focusing on God and seeking to
know Him better.
And through that,
I knew that He would
transform my view of myself.
Through this,
I have come to see that I am
beautiful.
And not just physically,
but also spiritually,
and that is the more important one anyway.
God has made me
in His image.
How much more beautiful could that be?

But anyway,
I think that during this time,
I will be able to shine
brightly
for the Lord.
I have slowly become
more comfortable
with the way I look
with Bell's Palsy.
It still feels super
weird.
But, I'm not wanting to hide
my face away from people
because I'm afraid of what
they'll think when
the right side of my face
doesn't move when I talk,
laugh, or smile.
It doesn't matter.
If this had happened
a few months ago,
I would have hidden myself in my
room and not left.
But now,
I'm not so afraid.
I know that I'm
beautiful,
and the way I look is not
going to change that.
So the Lord is definitely
teaching me to look
at myself differently.
And this time,
I'm actually learning.

Blessings