Learning Dependence

This past week, I have been fully reminded of my dependence upon the Lord.
Nothing super major happened.
But it was just going through situations,
everyday life situations.
And I was brought to my knees
in humility
recognizing that I can't do it on my own.

Let me paint the picture for you.

So, last Saturday,
my friend Quinny and I went to look at apartments
that we were hoping to move into.
Well, we both really liked them, and so later that night,
Rachel, Quinny, and I sat down together and filled out the applications.
We thought it was going to be a quick and easy process.
Little did I know that I was entering the most stressful week of my semester.
Sunday, everything seemed fine.
We were all excited about everything, and we were starting to figure things out.
Well, Monday rolled around, and Quinny went to go pay the application fees,
and they said that they hadn't even looked at the applications yet.
In fact, they couldn't find them.
So that's when I first started freaking out.
I started to get the queasy feeling that something wasn't quite right.
Tuesday came, and I finally heard something from the leasing consultant we were working with.
She was taking forever to finish the starting steps to processing our applications.
But by the end of the day, she said she was done.
So Wednesday afternoon, I drove out there to pay the application fees.
And that's where I encountered tons of other problems.
They wanted a lot of paperwork...paperwork that they hadn't told any of us about.
So. Frustrating.
So then we all started asking our parents if they would be willing to cosign,
all the while, I was still thinking that something wasn't quite right.
And the Lord was starting to work in my heart, changing it so that I wasn't desiring to live there anymore.
I was anxious.
Thursday rolled around, and I still had the anxious feeling that
we shouldn't keep pursuing the apartment application process.
Something wasn't adding up.
Then we found out some information about the apartments.
Not good.
So, that information completely changed my mind,
and confirmed the fact that we weren't supposed to go there.

Friday came, and we still didn't have any new options.
So we started to look at different apartment complexes
and possibly houses to rent.
But we found some that we think are going to work.
We checked them out on Saturday,
and they seem really good.
We've seen some decent reviews about them.
And I've been praying about it.
A lot.
And depending on the Lord to guide me. And I think
we're going to pursue it.
But if the Lord shuts the door in our faces, then
we def know that we weren't supposed to go there.

I realized today that I am afraid of moving to Raleigh.
Not because of physical safety.
But because I'm so comfortable where I am.
I moved all the way across the country about a year ago...
but I moved to places that I at least knew a little bit about.
Places that were already a little more comfortable because
of the Christian influences.
I didn't necessarily know anyone, but I knew I'd be okay there.
I'm afraid of leaving this comfort zone.
I'm afraid to see how God is going to push me and stretch me.
And this realization scared me.
How did I make it to this point?
And am I going to do something about it?
I need to be pushed. I need to be stretched.
I need to be taken out of the normal.
Therefore, I think that the Lord is moving me to Raleigh.
To live in this neighborhood where I will only know my roommates.
To share the Gospel with my neighbors.
To befriend people I don't know.
To love the poor, sick, and hurting.
To live life with the lost of this city.

It's time.
It's time to move on.
It's time to take the risk.
It's time to have faith.
It's time to trust in the Lord's provision.

He is good.
He will take care of me.
He is Sovereign.
He knows what He's doing.
He loves me.

And that's enough for me.

Blessings.