Okay.
I thought it would be kinda fun to walk back
through the year of 2012.
Maybe.
I guess we'll just see how fun it is.
I'll be throwing up some major highlights.
January:
2-5 - Passion 2012 in Atlanta, GA!
14 - started getting closer with Clara
30 - the continuation of watching Once with Rach and Mel on Mondays
February:
10 - the beginning of a good friendship with Alicia
March:
6 - decided to go to Amerika Samoa!
10 - spent the day with my lovely LCMer's from the previous summer.
11 - got my first speeding ticket. ever. for going 115 mph. crazy!
13 - the fundraising letters went out!
April:
3 - my court date for my speeding ticket
6 - took a little trip to King's Dominion with some friends for some roller coaster action.
20 - diagnosed with Bell's Palsy. what. a. day.
27 - IDC women's prayer night. we gathered together to pray for many different things. it was such a sweet time.
May:
3 - interviewed at Ravenscroft for my job
18 - moved out of the dorms!
28 - drove down to SC to spend some time with MG!
30 - flew to LA!
31 - flew to Amerika Samoa!
June:
4 - first day of VBS at SBA
10 - worship at Happy Valley Baptist Church. (this means listening to Samoans singing. it was absolutely wonderful!)
16 - went to the waterfall. :)
18 - painted the weight room at Tafuna High School
22 - traditional Emu dinner
27 - last day of VBS where I met the sweetest little boy. he reminded me why the Lord brought me to the tiny little island.
28 - flew out of Amerika Samoa
29 - flew home!
July:
3 - went to Inlow for the day!
4 - went to Sandia's crest and saw the fireworks from the mountainside.
5 - flew back to MG!
7 - drove back to NC!
17 - get a job at Keva Juice
18 - first day at Keva
21 - apartment shopping with Krystal
August:
1 - got our apartment!
3 - move-in day!
11 - Rachel officially came back from her summer job
14 - first day at Ravenscroft!
20 - first day of class
September:
1 - found out that bike rides with Rach are a lot of fun
7 - met our Turkish friends! :)
16 - decided to switch growth groups.
18 - first night with the Shaddix growth group
21 - bought tickets to the Cowboys' Thanksgiving day game
October:
7 - went to Rex Rehab center to have a service for our elderly friends
13 - went to the Renaissance festival with Sarah. so fun.
18 - went to the State Fair with our Turkish friends :)
November:
10 - prayer night for our missionaries. so. wonderful.
18 - flew to Dallas!
22 - Turkey Trot with some of the fam. annnnnd. the Dallas game with my dad.
24 - flew back to NC
25 - my dad admitted to the hospital
28 - found out my dad had lung cancer
December:
12 - flew home.
14 - my dad had his first chemo treatment
and i got to spend some quality time with a really close friend at ihop.
15 - got the sister time that i didn't get at thanksgiving.
17 - flew back to NC---many tears were shed that day.
23 - drove down to SC to spend a couple of days with MG and her precious family.
25 - celebrated Christmas with the Ballews
So.
In a nutshell,
my year has been pretty great.
A lot has happened.
So much more than I could ever put here.
Because a lot of it is very personal.
But even in these highlights,
it is evident that the Lord has been at work this year.
And not just in small ways.
The Lord has been completely
changing and working in my heart.
He's been changing my affections to Himself
and continuing to teach me how to live for Him.
And sure, a lot of things the world wouldn't see as "good."
For example,
getting a terrible speeding ticket.
(Now, I didn't like getting that ticket either.
But the Lord taught me that day to
really pay attention while I'm driving.
I still have a little anxiety when I drive long distances.
But I know to stay right at the speed limit.
Although I feel like a slow-poke. ha.
Also, it taught me that
driving at 115 mph will be the best cruising speed.
ever. ha
It was the best ride I'd ever had.)
My dad finding out that he has cancer wasn't good news either.
But the Lord is able to use all things for good.
So even the cancer my dad has will be used
for God's glory and our continued sanctification.
God's good like that.
Many tears were shed this past year.
But I think the joy God has placed in my heart
far exceeds the sorrow that I've experienced.
My hope and my joy is not found in things
or circumstances in this world.
But they are securely found in Christ.
How wonderful that I serve a God who loves me
and pours out His grace on my life daily.
I can't wait to see what will happen over the
course of 2013.
So many possibilities exist.
And I just don't even know what will happen.
But I know that it will be good.
Oh. So. Good.
What a great year.
What a great God.
What a great future
to be found in this great God.
Blessings.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Saturday, December 22, 2012
The Season of Advent
Christmas is practically upon us.
And what a wonderful thing
to celebrate:
The coming of Christ.
I know this may sound a little strange,
especially for those of you who know me well,
but I think this will be the
first year that I'll be really celebrating
Christ's birth.
It's not that I didn't acknowledge
His birth or praise the Lord
that He's come.
But His coming wasn't my focus
in past Christmas seasons.
I was always so focused on
my family
and all the get-together's we would be
having this time of year.
However,
since this season of life
is drastically different
than I thought it would be,
my thoughts and affections
have turned wholly to Christ.
Which has been wonderful.
I've been reflecting a lot
upon the great God I worship,
how He stepped down out of His glory
to become human.
He took on flesh.
He lived here on this earth.
And the whole time,
He served God and lived out His will.
He suffered and died.
But then God raised Him from the dead.
He was the propitiation for my sin.
And now He's seated at the right hand of the Father.
He lives to make intercession for me and for others.
How wonderful that the Gospel
was displayed clearly in His birth.
So, Christ and His Gospel
has been on my mind a lot lately.
And I think that's the only reason
I've been able to function.
Let's catch up over this past week and a half,
shall we?
I had the opportunity to go home last week.
And what a most blessed time it was.
I had some great quality time with
my parents, my sister, and a couple of my friends.
But more than that,
the Lord sent me great comfort in being
home while this was going on.
I think the hardest part of being in NC
when I found out
was that I had no way to grieve
with my parents or my family
over the cancer.
Yes, I could cry with Rach
or with other people from my Growth Group.
But, they didn't know my dad.
They didn't know how special he is to my heart.
And so it had been hard.
But oh,
the Lord allowed for so much healing to
happen back home.
I'm still not confident in the chemo.
But I'm so thankful that I got to see
my parents both trusting in the Lord firsthand.
I got to see how people
were taking care of them.
I think one of the most special times
was when I got to sit with my dad
through his first chemo treatment.
A lot of information was thrown our way.
It was very overwhelming.
But while my dad was sleeping,
I had the chance to pray over him.
What a sweet, sweet time.
Leaving them on Monday was a totally different story.
I don't think I've had such
a hard time leaving them.
I wasn't prepared for the tears.
But the Lord kept me together.
And I've been talking to my dad and mom
every day since being back.
Anyway,
this past week has been crazy.
But I've had a few sweet encounters
with the Savior.
He's been so good.
Reminders of His goodness have
flooded my soul through His word:
Psalm 29:11
The Lord will give strength to His people; the Lord will bless His people with peace.
Psalm 30:11-12
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, that my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.
Psalm 31:3
For You are my rock and my fortress; for Your name's sake You will lead me and guide me.
Psalm 42:6-8
O my God, my soul is in despair within me; therefore I remember You from the land of the Jordan and the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls; all Your breakers and Your waters have rolled over me. The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime; and His song will be with me in the night, a prayer to the God of my life.
The last bit of Scripture has really spoken to my heart.
I mean,
it says exactly what I've been doing.
My soul has been in despair.
But I've been going back to all the times
that He's been faithful,
not only in Scripture,
but in my own life.
And those experiences have increased my faith.
They've reminded me that
the same God is still at work in my life.
He's the same.
Everything in my life is
in upheaval right now.
But He is the same.
How completely comforting
to my soul.
The Lord is good.
He is faithful.
And in this season when I can't
go home to my family,
He's sending me to another family.
I'm so thankful that I get to go to SC
to spend some time with MG.
So. Stoked.
It will be a blessing.
But.
Anyway.
May this season be a reminder of God's grace,
of His love, and His faithfulness.
Because when Christ entered this world,
He was fulfilling the covenant
God made ages ago.
He is faithful.
Blessings to you this Christmas.
And what a wonderful thing
to celebrate:
The coming of Christ.
I know this may sound a little strange,
especially for those of you who know me well,
but I think this will be the
first year that I'll be really celebrating
Christ's birth.
It's not that I didn't acknowledge
His birth or praise the Lord
that He's come.
But His coming wasn't my focus
in past Christmas seasons.
I was always so focused on
my family
and all the get-together's we would be
having this time of year.
However,
since this season of life
is drastically different
than I thought it would be,
my thoughts and affections
have turned wholly to Christ.
Which has been wonderful.
I've been reflecting a lot
upon the great God I worship,
how He stepped down out of His glory
to become human.
He took on flesh.
He lived here on this earth.
And the whole time,
He served God and lived out His will.
He suffered and died.
But then God raised Him from the dead.
He was the propitiation for my sin.
And now He's seated at the right hand of the Father.
He lives to make intercession for me and for others.
How wonderful that the Gospel
was displayed clearly in His birth.
So, Christ and His Gospel
has been on my mind a lot lately.
And I think that's the only reason
I've been able to function.
Let's catch up over this past week and a half,
shall we?
I had the opportunity to go home last week.
And what a most blessed time it was.
I had some great quality time with
my parents, my sister, and a couple of my friends.
But more than that,
the Lord sent me great comfort in being
home while this was going on.
I think the hardest part of being in NC
when I found out
was that I had no way to grieve
with my parents or my family
over the cancer.
Yes, I could cry with Rach
or with other people from my Growth Group.
But, they didn't know my dad.
They didn't know how special he is to my heart.
And so it had been hard.
But oh,
the Lord allowed for so much healing to
happen back home.
I'm still not confident in the chemo.
But I'm so thankful that I got to see
my parents both trusting in the Lord firsthand.
I got to see how people
were taking care of them.
I think one of the most special times
was when I got to sit with my dad
through his first chemo treatment.
A lot of information was thrown our way.
It was very overwhelming.
But while my dad was sleeping,
I had the chance to pray over him.
What a sweet, sweet time.
Leaving them on Monday was a totally different story.
I don't think I've had such
a hard time leaving them.
I wasn't prepared for the tears.
But the Lord kept me together.
And I've been talking to my dad and mom
every day since being back.
Anyway,
this past week has been crazy.
But I've had a few sweet encounters
with the Savior.
He's been so good.
Reminders of His goodness have
flooded my soul through His word:
Psalm 29:11
The Lord will give strength to His people; the Lord will bless His people with peace.
Psalm 30:11-12
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, that my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.
Psalm 31:3
For You are my rock and my fortress; for Your name's sake You will lead me and guide me.
Psalm 42:6-8
O my God, my soul is in despair within me; therefore I remember You from the land of the Jordan and the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls; all Your breakers and Your waters have rolled over me. The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime; and His song will be with me in the night, a prayer to the God of my life.
The last bit of Scripture has really spoken to my heart.
I mean,
it says exactly what I've been doing.
My soul has been in despair.
But I've been going back to all the times
that He's been faithful,
not only in Scripture,
but in my own life.
And those experiences have increased my faith.
They've reminded me that
the same God is still at work in my life.
He's the same.
Everything in my life is
in upheaval right now.
But He is the same.
How completely comforting
to my soul.
The Lord is good.
He is faithful.
And in this season when I can't
go home to my family,
He's sending me to another family.
I'm so thankful that I get to go to SC
to spend some time with MG.
So. Stoked.
It will be a blessing.
But.
Anyway.
May this season be a reminder of God's grace,
of His love, and His faithfulness.
Because when Christ entered this world,
He was fulfilling the covenant
God made ages ago.
He is faithful.
Blessings to you this Christmas.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Life's Different Now
So the other day
I was thinking back to this time of year
last year.
So much has changed.
And I was even thinking back to
the week leading up to Thanksgiving break
and Thanksgiving break itself.
So much has changed
since then as well.
Situations and circumstances
have changed drastically.
This year compared to last:
- I'm living in an apartment with roommates, rather than by myself in a dorm.
- I'm working two jobs, rather than one.
- I'm taking one class, rather than four.
- My walk with the Lord is deeper than it was this time last year.
- My faith is greatly deeper and stronger in Him.
- My love for the Lord is so much greater. (Mostly due because He continues to show me how great His love for me is.)
And even over the past three weeks,
so much has changed.
I can't even believe it.
My dad has cancer.
Stage 4 cancer to be exact.
They don't know the origin.
All the tests they've run
to find the origin
have come up inconclusive.
He starts chemo next Friday.
And I'll be sitting with him
for his first treatment.
I'm not going to be taking a class
next semester,
because I want to be available
to support my family
when I need to without
anything holding me back.
My emotional stability has
drastically changed as well.
I know,
I know,
that the Lord is faithful
and that He is good.
I know I can trust Him in all things.
I know that He
knew from the beginning of time
that this cancer would show up
in my dad's body at this time in
His life.
And I know that the Lord
is going to bring me through this.
But.
This does not change
that the reality of what is happening
doesn't hit me at random moments.
I'll be perfectly fine,
and then it'll hit.
And I'll be sobbing out
the sorrow in my heart.
And then it will pass.
My heart is literally broken.
Broken.
Over the past couple of weeks,
since my dad was
put in the hospital,
my heart has been hurting,
and it's been hard to breathe.
It's like this weight has been put
on my chest.
It's not painful or anything.
But it's a reminder
of my heartache.
It's a reminder that I
could loose my dad soon.
It's so much to take in.
So much.
It's overwhelming.
I mean,
I thought my dad would
be around a very long time.
I thought that we would
get to do a lot of things together.
I thought that he would get to
walk me down the aisle,
that he would get to play with my kids,
that my sister and I would
get to send him and my mom
on a fantastic anniversary cruise one year.
But.
Those things may never happen.
They may never happen.
But they could still happen as well.
Life hangs in the balance right now.
Here's the thing.
My dad starts chemo Friday,
right?
Well,
this is going to sound so terrible,
but I'm not hopeful that it's going to work.
The Lord just isn't letting me go there.
I want to be supportive of my dad
during this time.
I want to show him I love him.
But I just don't know if chemo is going to work.
Everyone is telling me that it's all going to be okay.
But honestly,
who's to say what the Lord has planned.
Who knows what the Lord has willed.
Yes, I know that He will be
exalted and glorified.
But that does not mean that my dad
will be healed.
And I don't want to put my hope in
healing anyway.
I do want my dad to be okay.
Desperately.
I don't know what my life
would look like without him.
And that scares me.
It scares me to death that
I could loose him.
And this is where the Lord
has kept me over the past
week since I found out it
was stage 4.
But as much as I want my dad
to be okay,
I just can't hope for healing.
Instead,
the Lord has been reminding
me of His faithfulness.
He's been pouring out
His love on me in different ways:
showing me that He's with me
in this darkness.
He's been reminding me
that my hope needs to be
found in Him and Him only.
Because He is the One
who mends broken hearts.
He keeps me close when I cannot
function.
Psalm 142:3
"When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, You knew my path."
God has been reminding me
that He has already walked my path.
He knew it.
Therefore,
even when I am afraid,
I can still trust in the
One who knows the way.
I can rest in Him,
knowing that He cares for me.
And because of that,
I can worship Him.
Even when I'm scared
of loosing my dad,
I can worship God because
of who He is.
Just because my circumstances
are scary and overwhelming,
doesn't mean that I can't
trust in God and worship Him.
So no,
I'm not hopeful in healing.
But I'm hopeful in something greater.
The Lord.
I'm hopeful that His will will
be done,
that His glory will be made known,
and that His Gospel will be shared.
I'm scared.
But I'm so thankful
God continues to
draw me to Himself.
May my hope rest
securely in the Maker of heaven and earth.
May my heart rest
in His promises.
May His peace continue
to flood my heart, my mind, and my family's lives.
Psalm 147:1-6 (emphasis added by me)
"Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant and praise is becoming. The Lord builds up Jerusalem; He gathers the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them. Great is our Lord and abundant in strength; His understanding is infinite. The Lord supports the afflicted; He brings down the wicked to the ground."
I was thinking back to this time of year
last year.
So much has changed.
And I was even thinking back to
the week leading up to Thanksgiving break
and Thanksgiving break itself.
So much has changed
since then as well.
Situations and circumstances
have changed drastically.
This year compared to last:
- I'm living in an apartment with roommates, rather than by myself in a dorm.
- I'm working two jobs, rather than one.
- I'm taking one class, rather than four.
- My walk with the Lord is deeper than it was this time last year.
- My faith is greatly deeper and stronger in Him.
- My love for the Lord is so much greater. (Mostly due because He continues to show me how great His love for me is.)
And even over the past three weeks,
so much has changed.
I can't even believe it.
My dad has cancer.
Stage 4 cancer to be exact.
They don't know the origin.
All the tests they've run
to find the origin
have come up inconclusive.
He starts chemo next Friday.
And I'll be sitting with him
for his first treatment.
I'm not going to be taking a class
next semester,
because I want to be available
to support my family
when I need to without
anything holding me back.
My emotional stability has
drastically changed as well.
I know,
I know,
that the Lord is faithful
and that He is good.
I know I can trust Him in all things.
I know that He
knew from the beginning of time
that this cancer would show up
in my dad's body at this time in
His life.
And I know that the Lord
is going to bring me through this.
But.
This does not change
that the reality of what is happening
doesn't hit me at random moments.
I'll be perfectly fine,
and then it'll hit.
And I'll be sobbing out
the sorrow in my heart.
And then it will pass.
My heart is literally broken.
Broken.
Over the past couple of weeks,
since my dad was
put in the hospital,
my heart has been hurting,
and it's been hard to breathe.
It's like this weight has been put
on my chest.
It's not painful or anything.
But it's a reminder
of my heartache.
It's a reminder that I
could loose my dad soon.
It's so much to take in.
So much.
It's overwhelming.
I mean,
I thought my dad would
be around a very long time.
I thought that we would
get to do a lot of things together.
I thought that he would get to
walk me down the aisle,
that he would get to play with my kids,
that my sister and I would
get to send him and my mom
on a fantastic anniversary cruise one year.
But.
Those things may never happen.
They may never happen.
But they could still happen as well.
Life hangs in the balance right now.
Here's the thing.
My dad starts chemo Friday,
right?
Well,
this is going to sound so terrible,
but I'm not hopeful that it's going to work.
The Lord just isn't letting me go there.
I want to be supportive of my dad
during this time.
I want to show him I love him.
But I just don't know if chemo is going to work.
Everyone is telling me that it's all going to be okay.
But honestly,
who's to say what the Lord has planned.
Who knows what the Lord has willed.
Yes, I know that He will be
exalted and glorified.
But that does not mean that my dad
will be healed.
And I don't want to put my hope in
healing anyway.
I do want my dad to be okay.
Desperately.
I don't know what my life
would look like without him.
And that scares me.
It scares me to death that
I could loose him.
And this is where the Lord
has kept me over the past
week since I found out it
was stage 4.
But as much as I want my dad
to be okay,
I just can't hope for healing.
Instead,
the Lord has been reminding
me of His faithfulness.
He's been pouring out
His love on me in different ways:
showing me that He's with me
in this darkness.
He's been reminding me
that my hope needs to be
found in Him and Him only.
Because He is the One
who mends broken hearts.
He keeps me close when I cannot
function.
Psalm 142:3
"When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, You knew my path."
God has been reminding me
that He has already walked my path.
He knew it.
Therefore,
even when I am afraid,
I can still trust in the
One who knows the way.
I can rest in Him,
knowing that He cares for me.
And because of that,
I can worship Him.
Even when I'm scared
of loosing my dad,
I can worship God because
of who He is.
Just because my circumstances
are scary and overwhelming,
doesn't mean that I can't
trust in God and worship Him.
So no,
I'm not hopeful in healing.
But I'm hopeful in something greater.
The Lord.
I'm hopeful that His will will
be done,
that His glory will be made known,
and that His Gospel will be shared.
I'm scared.
But I'm so thankful
God continues to
draw me to Himself.
May my hope rest
securely in the Maker of heaven and earth.
May my heart rest
in His promises.
May His peace continue
to flood my heart, my mind, and my family's lives.
Psalm 147:1-6 (emphasis added by me)
"Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant and praise is becoming. The Lord builds up Jerusalem; He gathers the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them. Great is our Lord and abundant in strength; His understanding is infinite. The Lord supports the afflicted; He brings down the wicked to the ground."
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