Sometimes, I just don't know.

I've been joking around with Rach
the past few days about
how the most common phrase
in my speech is
"I don't know."

But in all seriousness.
It truly is what I say.

A lot has changed over the last year.
And a lot has yet to change.

People ask me questions about things
that I just don't have the answer to,
and I have to admit that I just don't know.

Repeating over and over
that I don't know
has been a much more humbling experience
than I ever thought it would be.
Three little words
are constant reminders
that my knowledge only goes so far.
I don't know what the future holds.
I don't know what I should do with my life.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It's humbling.
Because in all of this uncertainty,
I am forced to my knees in prayer,
and I am utterly dependent
upon the One who does know.

The Lord knows all things.
He knows when I sit and when I rise,
but He also knows my future.
And He leads me by the hand
down a path that He's already forged for me.
I do know that this path leads directly to Him.
How comforting.
I don't know so much.
But I do know enough to
bring me joy and comfort and peace.
You see, I know God.
I know His character.
I know He is faithful.
I know He lavishes grace on me daily.
I know His love is greater than all.
I know that Christ's righteousness covers me.
I know that Christ intercedes for me daily before God.
I know that the Spirit testifies on my behalf that I am a child of God.

And all of this knowledge
is what comforts me.
It gives me confidence to
step out into the unknown.

2013 is already proving to be
a more difficult year.
But I feel like it might be a very blessed
year as well.
A lot of changes are coming up.
But through it all,
I trust in the One who never changes.
And I can rest in the peace He gives me.

Blessings.


P.S.
I killed a giant cockroach at work the other day.
It was disgusting.
And it was a terrible experience.
I mean,
I didn't have Rach there to kill it for me
or pick up it's dead body...
so I had to do it.
Eeek.
Basically,
this is how it went down:

I was moving our ice cooler
so I could go fill it,
and underneath, there was a practically dead roach.
I freaked out and jumped away from it.
And I hoped that as I went to fill the ice chest,
it would scurry away, and then I wouldn't have to pick it up.
Wrong-o.
I came back...and it was still there.
Bleh.
So I went to get the cleaning supplies
for the bathroom.
I had the windex bottle,
and I decided to use that to smash the bug to pieces
so that I didn't have to step on it
and have the possibility that it would crawl up my leg.
(That is perhaps my greatest fear of bugs...
that they would "wake up" from being dead and decide to attack.
By crawling up my leg/arm.)
Anyway.
I smushed it with the windex bottle,
and when I did, there was this huge
pop
signaling that its guts has spewed
out of its body.
Ew. Ew. Ew.
Ew.
And then I prepared myself to pick up the dead roach.
I had to give myself a pep talk to do it.
I got about three times the amount of toilet paper
that I actually needed to clean up the bug.
But I didn't want to actually touch it.
And I picked it up and threw it away.
It was so gross!
I'm thankful I live with someone who does this...
because I can't do it. haha.