"Official" Taste Tester

Yes, that would be me.
I have been participating in
a Bread Taste Test
given by the
NCSU Sensory Service Center
(http://www.ncsu.edu/sensory/).

It is the first taste test that they've offered
that I've either qualified to participate in
or have had some time in my schedule to go.

Anyway, I've been going everyday this week.
It's been really cool to try different kinds of breads.
I've always wanted to be a taste tester for something,
and now I can check this off of my bucket list.
It's been fun.
But I'm ready not to drive down to NCSU everyday.
It's just a little out of the way.

Well, my heart is just a little overwhelmed right now.
Maybe not just a little,
but a lot.

I got to go home last week.
And I am so very thankful that I did.
It was such a blessing to spend an entire week
with my family.
I got a lot of one-on-one time
with each of my parents and my sister;
I am thankful.

With all of that though,
I was overwhelmed.
I saw and learned a lot more
about how each of them were feeling.
(I basically knew,
but having them tell me was a huge deal.)
I saw how deeply hearts were hurting.
I saw how greatly comfort was needed.

And all I could do was cry out to the Father.

That's still all I can do.

My heart isn't the only one that still needs healing.
Theirs' are too.

We got some more news today
that presents some new challenges.
And they will force us to lean more heavily
on the provision of the Almighty.
They will cause us to wait
with great expectations
on God.

With all this happening,
I am greatly looking forward to when
I will be back at home with my parents.
I guess it's finally time to announce:
I'm moving back to the 505.
The Lord has been drawing my heart back
to home.
And it's where I need to be
so that I can best support and love my family
during this hard time in life.
So.
Come June,
I'll be trekking back across the country.

With this in mind,
the Lord has been starting to prepare my heart
about what's to come.
I don't necessarily know
what He has in store.
But I'm feeling Him move
and start to prepare me
for this new start.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks.
But,
even in all this craziness,
I am thankful for what the Lord is accomplishing.
I don't know the specifics
of what He is changing in me and growing in me.
But He is drawing me to Himself.
He is making me more like Himself.
And when my heart is overwhelmed,
to Him I can run.
And run to Him I shall.

Psalm 61:1-4
"Hear my cry, O God; give heed to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Your tent forever; let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings."

Psalm 68: 19
"Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden, the God who is our salvation."

He is my good.

Blessings.

And it hits again...

You know how there are times that heartache and pain will ebb and flow?

I've been going through a season where the pain as been less. 

And it's been good.

It hasn't been easy, but it's been a blessing straight from the Lord.

The pain was less, and I was joyful.

The pain is starting to flow again though. 

The pain of my broken heart is starting to become more and more real. 

And today has been evident of that. 

I've been struggling a lot more over the past few days.
My heart hurts more than it has in a few weeks.
This could be caused by the lack of communication between me and my parents.
(Talking to them everyday becomes rather difficult when I don't have access to my cell phone.)
The inability to talk to them has reopened the wound...
almost as if I'm truly realizing the what is happening.
You know, the reality of the situation.
It's all hitting again.
And I feel almost immobilized.

I've been struggling in desiring to come before the Father.
I know I need to.
And by a certain point in the day, I finally run to Him.
But I'm really struggling.
It's hard at times for me to even pray...I lack energy, and I feel a huge burden.
This is one of those times when I will have to labor in prayer.
It's not going to be an easy season of coming before the Father, but one that will require discipline on my part.

So I keep crying out to God.
I keep begging Him to remind me of my sin, of my unworthiness, so that His grace might become that much sweeter to me.
I keep asking Him to use this time in my life for His glory and for my sanctification.

In the end,
He is the only One who will satisfy me.
Even though I'm struggling, I can still see the beauty of His grace and the gospel.
And that, my friends, is all because of His grace that He has lavished on me.
On my own, I am prideful and arrogant, and I think that I can do things on my own.
But the gospel confronts those issues in my heart and tears them to pieces.
Praise God for this gospel of His!

So, yes, the pain and gravity of the situation with my dad is hitting my heart once again.
But the riches of God's glorious grace are also raining down on my heart.
I can only hope in Christ and ask that His will be done.

Blessings.

Joy in the Unexpected

Many things have happened over
the past couple of days.
All could be considered
good or bad
depending on your outlook
on the circumstances.

Yesterday
I dropped my phone in a sink full
of soapy water.
This was the first time
I've ever done anything like that.
Ever.
And it makes me so sad.
Because it's one of the only ways
that I'm able to communicate with my dad.
I haven't heard his voice in a couple of days,
nor have I heard my mom's.
And it's so very hard.
Especially in light of everything
that's going on back home right now.

Yesterday my dad went in the the hospital
because his chest was hurting
and he was having a very hard time breathing.
So they took a chest x-ray,
and he had a ton of fluid in his chest.
So today he went in and had over a liter
of fluid drained out of his chest.

So.
It's been hard knowing that all this is happening
and not having a way to communicate
easily with them.
I mean, we've sorta been exchanging emails,
but there's nothing like calling and chatting,
even if it's only for a couple of minutes.

But not having my phone has been
teaching me to not be as dependent
on it.
A lot of things in my life
depend on my phone.
I use the calendar a lot to keep
track of events in my life.
I use the alarms to wake me up
and keep me on schedule.
But.
Those things have to change right now.
And I'm learning to be flexible.

Anyway,
a lot of other things have probably
happened within the past few days.
But at the moment,
I can't really remember.
What I do know is that there is joy
to be found even in these things.
The Lord is still faithful.
He is the source of my joy.
And even though things may not be
the way I thought they would be,
God is using these situations
to shape me more into His image.
They are for His glory.

Blessings.