Happy Valentine's Day?

In years past, 

I have always been the girl 

to make all the valentines and 

hand them out to people. 

It was just something I enjoyed doing. 

I liked to remind people that I cared about them

and that they were loved. 

NOT that I still don't want to do that, 

but I just haven't had the time this semester. 

But anyway, 

Valentine's day for many is a time of sorrow, 

because they don't have someone special to share it with. 

Others find great joy in sharing this day

with that someone special. 

This day has never really been a sorrowful day, 

or a most joyous occasion.

It's just been one just like any other. 

I've never had a "special someone" on this day.

But I have had people tell me that

my Valentine is Jesus. 

(Yes, He died on the cross for me

and I love Him with every fiber of my being, 

but I don't like the idea of equivocating 

the Savior of the world with a worldly Valentine.

It just isn't right.
Back to topic.)

And yeah, it kinda made me feel better, 

but it's still hard to be single and watch

couples be all lovey-dovey to each other. 

(Not gonna lie, it really makes me sad.)

Because as much as I want to ignore it, 

I have a deep longing in my heart 

to be pursued,

to be loved,

to be wanted

by someone else.

And this day,

more than any other, 

brings up those longings. 

It also brings up all of my insecurities.

Am I worthwhile?

Am I beautiful?

Am I lovable?

Am I someone to be desired by another?

Will anyone ever choose to pursue me?

So many questions pound through my head throughout the day.

So many.

And in the past, 

I've not only had the Scripture to remind me of my identity in Christ,

but I've also had my family surrounding me. 

They always encouraged me on this day,

pointing me back to God and His love. 

But today, 

after little sleep last night, 

I found that I was very far away from them. 

And it took every ounce of strength I had left

to open up the Word and start reading. 

But through that,

God spoke.

He reminded me of His work on the cross,

of how I am found in Him,

and I am secure in Him. 

So, today has been a battle so far.

And it's going to keep being one.

Countless times I've been going back to Scripture. 

I need the truth to fight away these lies, 

because I certainly cannot do it. 

God is working in all this. 

I thank Him for the hard days, 

because it's through those days that 

He does His mightiest works in my life. 

He is refining my heart, 

continuing to change my desires toward Him. 

Psalm 73:22-28 has been on my mind and in my heart 

for the past couple of weeks:

"Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For, behold, those who are far from You will perish; You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You. But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works."

God is near in this time, 

and that is my good. 

So happy Valentine's Day? 

Sure, I hope it's good. 

Because, even if I'm not feeling the best this day,

ultimately, my identity is in Christ, 

He is near, and I'm good.

Blessings.