Anxiety

Y'all, I've been having a harder time here recently. The past week or so I've been having mini anxiety attacks. And I know I shouldn't be having them and that I shouldn't be anxious about anything, but try just keep coming. I just don't know what to do. My heart starts beating faster, and my chest hurts like it's about to explode. But beyond that nothing is wrong.
In those moments, I have to remind myself of the Gospel. I have to walk myself through the Lord's abundant grace that He's shown me over the years. I have to constantly preach to myself so that I can push through this anxiety attacks and remember that He is sovereign over all.

I know that I'm supposed to go home.
I know I am.
But that isn't making this whole moving process any easier.
This past Saturday I went to Kings Dominion with a bunch of my friends, people who I consider my family. And getting to spend the whole day with them just hanging out and having fun was what my heart needed, but it was also a huge reminder of what I'll be leaving behind. Saturday was a huge evidence of God's grace. They were encouraging and loving. And it was wonderful to spend the day with them.
You see, the very thing I begged God  to give me while I was here--true biblical community--He's now taking away. I know that He will be faithful in providing community in NM as well. But I feel established with them. I feel like I can be myself and share my life with them. I've grown to love them all, and I deeply desire to see them grow deeper into Christ. I don't know of I could ever describe how hard it's going to be to say goodbye to them in a couple of weeks.
I am o so grateful to The Lord for the time He has given me with this group of believers. And I'm just so sad to see it come to an end.
My heart breaks every time I think of leaving.

But at the same time, I rejoice when I think that I only have two weeks left in NC.
Because that means that I get to go home. I get to see my parents and be there for them. I get to hang out with my sister and the rest of my family. And I get to see what The Lord has in store for me next. I think that could also be a contributing factor to my anxiety...I have no idea what to really expect in moving back home. I don't know where I'm doing to work. I don't really have a long term plan. I don't really know what in doing with my life...and that freaks me out a bit. But again, The Lord is faithful, and if He is taking me back home, then there is most definitely a reason for it.

So anyway, though I may be anxious about moving and everything, I am bringing those anxieties to the foot of the cross where I can lay them down before the One who is sovereign over them. I know I can trust Him. And I am so thankful that I can go before Him in prayer when I feel overwhelmed and anxious about this future that I am so uncertain about. He is good. He is faithful. He will carry me and guide me through