Year in Review

Okay.
I thought it would be kinda fun to walk back
through the year of 2012.
Maybe.
I guess we'll just see how fun it is.
I'll be throwing up some major highlights.

January:
2-5 - Passion 2012 in Atlanta, GA!
14 - started getting closer with Clara
30 - the continuation of watching Once with Rach and Mel on Mondays

February:
10 - the beginning of a good friendship with Alicia

March:
6 - decided to go to Amerika Samoa!
10 - spent the day with my lovely LCMer's from the previous summer.
11 - got my first speeding ticket. ever. for going 115 mph. crazy!
13 - the fundraising letters went out!

April:
3 - my court date for my speeding ticket
6 - took a little trip to King's Dominion with some friends for some roller coaster action.
20 - diagnosed with Bell's Palsy. what. a. day.
27 - IDC women's prayer night. we gathered together to pray for many different things. it was such a sweet time.

May:
3 - interviewed at Ravenscroft for my job
18 - moved out of the dorms!
28 - drove down to SC to spend some time with MG!
30 - flew to LA!
31 - flew to Amerika Samoa!

June:
4 - first day of VBS at SBA
10 - worship at Happy Valley Baptist Church. (this means listening to Samoans singing. it was absolutely wonderful!)
16 - went to the waterfall. :)
18 - painted the weight room at Tafuna High School
22 - traditional Emu dinner
27 - last day of VBS where I met the sweetest little boy. he reminded me why the Lord brought me to the tiny little island.
28 - flew out of Amerika Samoa
29 - flew home!

July:
3 - went to Inlow for the day!
4 - went to Sandia's crest and saw the fireworks from the mountainside.
5 - flew back to MG!
7 - drove back to NC!
17 - get a job at Keva Juice
18 - first day at Keva
21 - apartment shopping with Krystal

August:
1 - got our apartment!
3 - move-in day!
11 - Rachel officially came back from her summer job
14 - first day at Ravenscroft!
20 - first day of class

September:
1 - found out that bike rides with Rach are a lot of fun
7 - met our Turkish friends! :)
16 - decided to switch growth groups.
18 - first night with the Shaddix growth group
21 - bought tickets to the Cowboys' Thanksgiving day game

October:
7 - went to Rex Rehab center to have a service for our elderly friends
13 - went to the Renaissance festival with Sarah. so fun.
18 - went to the State Fair with our Turkish friends :)

November:
10 - prayer night for our missionaries. so. wonderful.
18 - flew to Dallas!
22 - Turkey Trot with some of the fam. annnnnd. the Dallas game with my dad.
24 - flew back to NC
25 - my dad admitted to the hospital
28 - found out my dad had lung cancer

December:
12 - flew home.
14 - my dad had his first chemo treatment
and i got to spend some quality time with a really close friend at ihop.
15 - got the sister time that i didn't get at thanksgiving.
17 - flew back to NC---many tears were shed that day.
23 - drove down to SC to spend a couple of days with MG and her precious family.
25 - celebrated Christmas with the Ballews



So.
In a nutshell,
my year has been pretty great.
A lot has happened.
So much more than I could ever put here.
Because a lot of it is very personal.
But even in these highlights,
it is evident that the Lord has been at work this year.
And not just in small ways.
The Lord has been completely
changing and working in my heart.
He's been changing my affections to Himself
and continuing to teach me how to live for Him.
And sure, a lot of things the world wouldn't see as "good."
For example,
getting a terrible speeding ticket.
(Now, I didn't like getting that ticket either.
But the Lord taught me that day to
really pay attention while I'm driving.
I still have a little anxiety when I drive long distances.
But I know to stay right at the speed limit.
Although I feel like a slow-poke. ha.
Also, it taught me that
driving at 115 mph will be the best cruising speed.
ever. ha
It was the best ride I'd ever had.)
My dad finding out that he has cancer wasn't good news either.
But the Lord is able to use all things for good.
So even the cancer my dad has will be used
for God's glory and our continued sanctification.
God's good like that.
Many tears were shed this past year.
But I think the joy God has placed in my heart
far exceeds the sorrow that I've experienced.
My hope and my joy is not found in things
or circumstances in this world.
But they are securely found in Christ.
How wonderful that I serve a God who loves me
and pours out His grace on my life daily.

I can't wait to see what will happen over the
course of 2013.
So many possibilities exist.
And I just don't even know what will happen.
But I know that it will be good.
Oh. So. Good.

What a great year.
What a great God.
What a great future
to be found in this great God.

Blessings.

The Season of Advent

Christmas is practically upon us.
And what a wonderful thing
to celebrate:
The coming of Christ.

I know this may sound a little strange,
especially for those of you who know me well,
but I think this will be the
first year that I'll be really celebrating
Christ's birth.
It's not that I didn't acknowledge
His birth or praise the Lord
that He's come.
But His coming wasn't my focus
in past Christmas seasons.
I was always so focused on
my family
and all the get-together's we would be
having this time of year.
However,
since this season of life
is drastically different
than I thought it would be,
my thoughts and affections
have turned wholly to Christ.
Which has been wonderful.
I've been reflecting a lot
upon the great God I worship,
how He stepped down out of His glory
to become human.
He took on flesh.
He lived here on this earth.
And the whole time,
He served God and lived out His will.
He suffered and died.
But then God raised Him from the dead.
He was the propitiation for my sin.
And now He's seated at the right hand of the Father.
He lives to make intercession for me and for others.
How wonderful that the Gospel
was displayed clearly in His birth.

So, Christ and His Gospel
has been on my mind a lot lately.
And I think that's the only reason
I've been able to function.
Let's catch up over this past week and a half,
shall we?
I had the opportunity to go home last week.
And what a most blessed time it was.
I had some great quality time with
my parents, my sister, and a couple of my friends.
But more than that,
the Lord sent me great comfort in being
home while this was going on.
I think the hardest part of being in NC
when I found out
was that I had no way to grieve
with my parents or my family
over the cancer.
Yes, I could cry with Rach
or with other people from my Growth Group.
But, they didn't know my dad.
They didn't know how special he is to my heart.
And so it had been hard.
But oh,
the Lord allowed for so much healing to
happen back home.
I'm still not confident in the chemo.
But I'm so thankful that I got to see
my parents both trusting in the Lord firsthand.
I got to see how people
were taking care of them.
I think one of the most special times
was when I got to sit with my dad
through his first chemo treatment.
A lot of information was thrown our way.
It was very overwhelming.
But while my dad was sleeping,
I had the chance to pray over him.
What a sweet, sweet time.
Leaving them on Monday was a totally different story.
I don't think I've had such
a hard time leaving them.
I wasn't prepared for the tears.
But the Lord kept me together.
And I've been talking to my dad and mom
every day since being back.
Anyway,
this past week has been crazy.
But I've had a few sweet encounters
with the Savior.
He's been so good.
Reminders of His goodness have
flooded my soul through His word:

Psalm 29:11
The Lord will give strength to His people; the Lord will bless His people with peace.

Psalm 30:11-12
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, that my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever. 

Psalm 31:3
For You are my rock and my fortress; for Your name's sake You will lead me and guide me.

Psalm 42:6-8
O my God, my soul is in despair within me; therefore I remember You from the land of the Jordan and the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls; all Your breakers and Your waters have rolled over me. The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime; and His song will be with me in the night, a prayer to the God of my life.

The last bit of Scripture has really spoken to my heart.
I mean,
it says exactly what I've been doing.
My soul has been in despair.
But I've been going back to all the times
that He's been faithful,
not only in Scripture,
but in my own life.
And those experiences have increased my faith.
They've reminded me that
the same God is still at work in my life.
He's the same.
Everything in my life is
in upheaval right now.
But He is the same.
How completely comforting
to my soul.

The Lord is good.
He is faithful.
And in this season when I can't
go home to my family,
He's sending me to another family.
I'm so thankful that I get to go to SC
to spend some time with MG.
So. Stoked.
It will be a blessing.

But.
Anyway.
May this season be a reminder of God's grace,
of His love, and His faithfulness.
Because when Christ entered this world,
He was fulfilling the covenant
God made ages ago.
He is faithful.

Blessings to you this Christmas.

Life's Different Now

So the other day
I was thinking back to this time of year
last year.
So much has changed.

And I was even thinking back to
the week leading up to Thanksgiving break
and Thanksgiving break itself.
So much has changed
since then as well.

Situations and circumstances
have changed drastically.

This year compared to last:
- I'm living in an apartment with roommates, rather than by myself in a dorm.
- I'm working two jobs, rather than one.
- I'm taking one class, rather than four.
- My walk with the Lord is deeper than it was this time last year.
- My faith is greatly deeper and stronger in Him.
- My love for the Lord is so much greater. (Mostly due because He continues to show me how great His love for me is.)

And even over the past three weeks,
so much has changed.
I can't even believe it.

My dad has cancer.
Stage 4 cancer to be exact.
They don't know the origin.
All the tests they've run
to find the origin
have come up inconclusive.
He starts chemo next Friday.
And I'll be sitting with him
for his first treatment.

I'm not going to be taking a class
next semester,
because I want to be available
to support my family
when I need to without
anything holding me back.

My emotional stability has
drastically changed as well.
I know,
I know,
that the Lord is faithful
and that He is good.
I know I can trust Him in all things.
I know that He
knew from the beginning of time
that this cancer would show up
in my dad's body at this time in
His life.
And I know that the Lord
is going to bring me through this.
But.
This does not change
that the reality of what is happening
doesn't hit me at random moments.
I'll be perfectly fine,
and then it'll hit.
And I'll be sobbing out
the sorrow in my heart.
And then it will pass.
My heart is literally broken.
Broken.
Over the past couple of weeks,
since my dad was
put in the hospital,
my heart has been hurting,
and it's been hard to breathe.
It's like this weight has been put
on my chest.
It's not painful or anything.
But it's a reminder
of my heartache.
It's a reminder that I
could loose my dad soon.

It's so much to take in.
So much.
It's overwhelming.
I mean,
I thought my dad would
be around a very long time.
I thought that we would
get to do a lot of things together.
I thought that he would get to
walk me down the aisle,
that he would get to play with my kids,
that my sister and I would
get to send him and my mom
on a fantastic anniversary cruise one year.
But.
Those things may never happen.
They may never happen.

But they could still happen as well.

Life hangs in the balance right now.

Here's the thing.
My dad starts chemo Friday,
right?
Well,
this is going to sound so terrible,
but I'm not hopeful that it's going to work.
The Lord just isn't letting me go there.
I want to be supportive of my dad
during this time.
I want to show him I love him.
But I just don't know if chemo is going to work.
Everyone is telling me that it's all going to be okay.
But honestly,
who's to say what the Lord has planned.
Who knows what the Lord has willed.
Yes, I know that He will be
exalted and glorified.
But that does not mean that my dad
will be healed.
And I don't want to put my hope in
healing anyway.

I do want my dad to be okay.
Desperately.
I don't know what my life
would look like without him.
And that scares me.
It scares me to death that
I could loose him.

And this is where the Lord
has kept me over the past
week since I found out it
was stage 4.
But as much as I want my dad
to be okay,
I just can't hope for healing.

Instead,
the Lord has been reminding
me of His faithfulness.
He's been pouring out
His love on me in different ways:
showing me that He's with me
in this darkness.
He's been reminding me
that my hope needs to be
found in Him and Him only.
Because He is the One
who mends broken hearts.
He keeps me close when I cannot
function.

Psalm 142:3
"When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, You knew my path."

God has been reminding me
that He has already walked my path.
He knew it.
Therefore,
even when I am afraid,
I can still trust in the
One who knows the way.
I can rest in Him,
knowing that He cares for me.

And because of that,
I can worship Him.
Even when I'm scared
of loosing my dad,
I can worship God because
of who He is.
Just because my circumstances
are scary and overwhelming,
doesn't mean that I can't
trust in God and worship Him.

So no,
I'm not hopeful in healing.
But I'm hopeful in something greater.
The Lord.
I'm hopeful that His will will
be done,
that His glory will be made known,
and that His Gospel will be shared.

I'm scared.
But I'm so thankful
God continues to
draw me to Himself.

May my hope rest
securely in the Maker of heaven and earth.
May my heart rest
in His promises.
May His peace continue
to flood my heart, my mind, and my family's lives.

Psalm 147:1-6 (emphasis added by me)
"Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant and praise is becoming. The Lord builds up Jerusalem; He gathers the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them. Great is our Lord and abundant in strength; His understanding is infinite. The Lord supports the afflicted; He brings down the wicked to the ground."

Who knew?

Who knew that this would happen?
Who knew my dad would
be diagnosed with cancer
the week after Thanksgiving?
God did.
Honestly, I think that's the only
thing that is getting me through this.
The knowledge of the truth.
I'm resting in the fact
that the Lord is God.
He is Maker.
This did not catch Him off guard at all.
He knew that
my dad would go into the hospital on Sunday
and would be told Wednesday that he has cancer.
He knew.
And that comforts me.

Last night after I found out the news,
I came back to the apartment
and cried for a while.
And then I went with Rachel
to Growth Group,
because I knew that I needed to
be around friends;
I needed to be around people
who would lift me up to
our Father,
because at that moment,
I was too weak to go myself.
And that's exactly what
they did.
They lifted me and my family
up before the Father,
and they showered me with love.
The Body of Christ served me well
last night.
And I'm so thankful for all
of the brothers and sisters
the Lord has blessed me with.

I'm learning to take this
 moment by moment.
I'm learning
that it's okay
to cry and let it out.
And the Lord is teaching
me how to acknowledge
my trust in Him,
even as all this is going on.

It's amazing how powerful
the Word of the Lord is.
Even as tears flow down my face,
His Word reminds me
of His faithfulness,
His goodness,
His holiness,
His righteousness--
all of the things that I praise Him for.
And it's praising Him that
my heart is incited to do.
It's one of the weirdest feelings:
to be grieving over this news,
yet praising the Lord for who He is
and thanking Him for what He is doing.
Yes, it hurts thinking
about this cancer that is living in my dad.
It's scary thinking
that this could claim His life.
But my God is greater than that.
He has power over the grave.
He is good. He is Healer.
He is loving and kind.
And He would not allow
this in my dad's life, in my life,
in my family's life,
if it did not serve His purpose.
So,
I believe that this has a greater
purpose
than any of us could
have ever imagined.
I believe that whether my dad
is healed from this cancer,
or if he dies from this cancer,
he will bring glory to the Most High.

The Lord have His way in my life
and in my dad's life.
May He be greatly glorified.
May His Gospel be advanced because of this.
May my heart yearn to be closer to Him.
May my family seek after the Lord and His presence
during this time.
He is good.
He is in control.
I trust Him.

Blessings.

Psalm 61:1-4
"Hear my cry, O God;
Give heed to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For You have been a refuge for me,
A tower of strength against the enemy.
Let me dwell in Your tent forever;
Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings."

Thankfulness can Outweigh Sadness

It truly can.
Although I am sad
that I had to say
goodbye to my family,
especially my parents and my sister,
I am overwhelmed with
thankfulness for the time
the Lord gave me with them
this past week.
I'm not going to lie,
I'm really struggling right now.
I'm sad because
I don't know the next time I'll see them.
This Christmas
will be the first one that I'll be away
from them.
And I don't even know if
I'll be around others...
I may just be alone
this Christmas.
And it's just going to be hard.
So, even though
I'm sad,
and I don't really even know
what this season is going to look like,
I trust in the One who does know.
Christ has been faithful.
Oh so faithful.

I mean,
this past week
is a testimony to
His faithfulness and His goodness
to me.
He gave me five
amazing
days with my family.
We did so much....



Thanksgiving Bucket List 2012
- eat at Saltgrass Steak House   completed
- eat some Rudy's BBQ!  (Okay, no Texas bbq for this girl. Boo. Shall I try my hand at it sometime? Possibly. Although, I'm not too handy with the grill....)
- visit Ron and Fran   completed
- play bocci with my sister   (I'm really sad that I didn't get to do this! I was really looking forward to some sister time. Seriously. I was. We just ran out of time, and out of daylight. So. When she comes to see me, or when I go home next, I will have to have a bocci date with her. But I am thankful for the times that we got to sit and talk---whether late at night as we were falling asleep, or whispering in the backseat of the car, it was sweet.)
- do crafty things with my sweet mom   completed
- go to the Cowboys game with my dad   completed
- watch a movie & eat some popcorn with the fam   completed
- go to the zoo!!  (We decided as a family to opt out of going to the zoo. We heard it would be crazy!  So, instead, my mom and I crafted. And. We just had a relaxing morning. It was wonderful.)
- Turkey Trot 5k walk   completed
- shopping at the Outlets  (We didn't quite make it to the Outlets. But we did go shopping. I got some Christmas shopping done for my cousin, and my parents got some shopping done for a ministry at their church.)
- family game night   completed
- cuddle with my mom   completed
- hang out in the hot tub   (Sadly, we just didn't have time to jump in the hot tub.)
- long talks with different family members    completed
- hug people. a lot.   completed
- take lots of family pics   completed
- buy HEB fruit jelly   completed
- have a slumber party with my 13-year-old cousin and invest in her   completed
- love my family. well.   completed



And I am so thankful
for all the time I got with them.
Like I've said,
I don't know how much time
I have left.
Every breath is a blessing
sent from His loving hand.
He was so gracious and loving
in giving me time with them.


So, instead of living in sadness,
I'll be choosing thankfulness.
It'll be hard.
But I know--
I know--
He is Lord.
He is worthy of my time,
of my worship.
And even though I can't
see my path more than
one step at a time,
I can trust the Maker of the path.


Ephesians 3:20-21
"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

Blessings.

So. Very. Thankful.

As I'm counting
the hours until I get to see
my family,
I'm realizing just how thankful
I am for this opportunity
to see my parents, sister,
grandparents, aunts, uncles,
cousins, and friends again.

You see,
a couple of weeks ago,
I was really convicted that
I wasn't living in the here and now.
I was all too dependent on
what I thought was the promised future.
I thought I had everything figured out.
And I just had all these ideas of what
my life was going to look like in ten years.
It's not that God has taken away that hope.
I still hope to one day
get married,
have children,
travel a little,
serve the Lord well in a local Body.
But He's given me an urgency to live
in the here and now.
I should be striving for the future.
But I can't stop living for today.
I'm not promised my next breath.
I don't know when the Lord
will call me home, or when
He will return for His Church.
But He has given me this day
to serve Him faithfully.

In this whole realization,
I knew I had taken for granted
all the time that I had spend with my family.
I had never really cherished it.
I mean, it was just time with them.
I was always going to get to see them again.
I was always going to spend time with them again.
So why did it matter if I really invested in their lives
when I saw them?
But it does!
It does matter so much!
I have this opportunity to love my family,
to care for them,
and invest in their lives for the sake of the Gospel,
for the sake of the Body.
I have this opportunity to encourage them
to pursue Christ and godliness.

So,
this season of Thanksgiving,
encourage the Body I shall.
I pray that I might have opportunities
for Gospel conversations,
for times of encouragement,
for times of fun, laughter, and just good talks.
May God be greatly glorified in the time
I have with my family.

I'm not taking this upcoming week for granted
this time.
I'm going to treasure it,
cherish it.
Because, honestly,
I don't know the next time
I'll get to see them.
As hard as it is for me to
wrap my mind around that fact,
I know that the Lord has great plans.
I may not know the next time I'll see them.
But I know who does.
And He is faithful.

Well,
while I'm in Texas,
there are some things
that I'll be doing.
Ready for the Bucket List?

Thanksgiving Bucket List 2012
- eat at Saltgrass Steak House
- eat some Rudy's BBQ!
- visit Ron and Fran
- play bocci with my sister
- do crafty things with my sweet mom
- go to the Cowboys game with my dad
- watch a movie & eat some popcorn with the fam
- go to the zoo!!
- Turkey Trot 5k walk
- shopping at the Outlets
- family game night
- cuddle with my mom
- hang out in the hot tub
- long talks with different family members
- hug people. a lot.
- take lots of family pics
- buy HEB fruit jelly
- have a slumber party with my 13-year-old cousin and invest in her
- love my family. well.


I've been waiting for this week
since August.
I can't believe that it's finally time
to leave.
I only have 30 hours til I see
some of my favorite people's faces.

The Lord is gracious.
I am so thankful
that He is allowing me to go see them.
So thankful.

Blessings

Happy 100!

I know.
Two blogs back to back.
I'm getting a little
writing happy.
But really.
I just have so much to say.
Not really.
Ha.

I was just thinking today
of how different things
are than I ever expected them to be.

Let's take a journey back
to 12-year-old Bekah's mind.
Ready?
I was going to graduate from
high school as Valedictorian.
And then I was going to go to
Yale or Harvard
on a full-ride scholarship.
After I graduated from college,
I was going to travel around the world
working with different
organizations to tell people about Christ
and help them in their current situations.
After a few years of doing this,
I was going to come back to the States,
and, somehow I was going to get married.
(I don't exactly know to whom,
since I would have been gone for so long.)
And then we would have 12 children
(some of our own, but
most of them would be adopted.)
And we would live happily ever after.

Now, let's jump ahead to
16-year-old Bekah's mind.
Here we go...
I would graduate from high school,
and go to Oklahoma Baptist University.
I was dating this boy at that time,
so we would date
throughout our stay at OBU.
And after I graduated with my degree
in missions,
we would get married
and go do mission work somewhere.
We were going to have
kids and raise them wherever
God was having us serve.

And this is 18-year-old Bekah:
Now that I've graduated high school,
and decided that OBU
wasn't where God wanted me,
I would take a year off school.
And then I would go to
Culinary School to get a degree.
Then, upon graduation,
I would get a job at a prestigious bakery
to get some really good experience.
After a while, I would
then open my own bakery.
(The ultimate plan was to
open a bakery next to my
dad's BBQ joint.
His dream has always been to
have his own BBQ restaurant,
and so I thought it would be fun
to work alongside my parents
and have my goodies and breads
be served in their restaurant.)
Anyway, that was the plan.


It's really amazing to see how plans change.
Over the years,
I've learned that
any plans I may try to make
have to be flexible.
It's so crazy to think that
all those plans I had in my head
back then
weren't actually what
the Lord had in store for me.
He had and has something
so much greater.
He's taken me on this adventure
where I've learned so much
and He's been changing my heart.

If I had stuck to one of my plans,
then
I never would have gone to American Samoa
I never would have moved to Raleigh
I never would have joined IDC.
None of those things were ever on my radar.

Praise the Lord that He has greater plans.
Praise Him that He is showing me how to be obedient to His plans.
Praise Him that He is showing me how to be patient and wait on Him in all things.
He is so good.

It's been a day of reflection.
Reflection of where I am now, where I've been brought from, and what could possibly be in the future.

But anyway.
This is post 100!
Happy day.

Annnnnd
this week I'll be roasting my first turkey.
We'll see how that goes.
I'm celebrating Thanksgiving
with my kids at Ravenscroft.
I'm pretty excited about it.
And so are the kids.

Oh, and we're just six days away
from Texas!
It's practically just around the corner!

Blessings.

Nerves

So, 

my nerves tend to get the best of me. 

And by tend,

I usually mean always.

Ha. 

I try so very hard not to get nervous

about things. 

But it's just the way things work in my head. 

My heart starts to race.

My hands get ice cold. 

I feel a little light headed. 

And I get really shaky. 

You know, all the fun stuff. 

And you would think I'd be used to it by now. 

But I'm not. 

I get nervous about silly little things, 

like talking in front of people, 

or even talking to people I don't know. 

But I also get nervous about big things, 

like singing in front of people,

and driving across the country by myself. 

Today

I'm nervous. 

In just a short while

I'll be heading to the church building

for an audition of sorts 

for the worship team. 

I have to sing in front of a select number of people. 

And I'm just slightly nervous about it.

Who am I kidding. 

I'm starting to freak out. 

I'm nervous that my voice will suddenly

die. 

I'm nervous that I won't remember 

the words to the songs. 

(Even though I have them all printed out.)

I'm just nervous.

You would think that I wouldn't be 

nervous, 

especially after spending an 

entire summer serving 

on the performance team

singing and dancing for people.

But, this is just one of those things that I 

always

get nervous for. 

Welcome to my life. 

ha. 

Oh. 

I only have to wait

7 more days

till I get to see my 

family!!!!!

I can't even believe

that it's already time

to head to Texas!

Blessings.

Two Years and Counting

Last night I had dinner with Rach
and one of the other single ladies from 
my Growth Group. 
It was good to get to know her better
and spend some qt with her
outside of a Tuesday night.
We shared our stories. 
And I was reminded of 
God's grace that has completely overwhelmed
my life and my heart. 

Perhaps this explains my 
overwhelming desire to cry 
my eyes out tonight. 
But God is so great. 
So much greater than my puny
heart and mind could ever give Him
credit for. 
His love
has wiped out my sin and 
my transgressions. 
And I am still just learning
how much I need the Gospel. 

It has been a little over two years
since I desired to take my life. 
Two years of learning. 
Two years of my Savior 
teaching me what it is to follow Him, 
love Him, 
and love others. 
It's amazing how
the Lord can work in such great ways.

Almost two years ago, I wrote this:

"A long time ago, there was a little girl. She was young, and she knew of a Love bigger than she could ever imagine. She wanted to know more about this Love before accepting it, so she read and asked lots of questions. Finally, she discovered that Love was what she wanted. She wanted it more than anything she ever had before.

Little did she know that Love would one day take her on an amazing journey.

A few years down the road, Love asked her to follow Him wherever He lead. No matter what the cost. No matter how much it hurt. No matter what joy, happiness, sadness, gloom the choice made. He wanted her to make the commitment to follow Him.

And she did.

She said she would follow Him down any path. As long as He stayed by her side.

He promised He would never leave her.

A couple years after that, the girl went though some rough times. She had a hard time seeing what Love was doing. Why was all this happening to her? She just didn't understand. She felt used and abused, and no one could help. But most of all, she felt all alone.

That summer, Love's guiding hand led her away from the chaotic mess of home. He took her to a beautiful country and showed her how He could transform lives in a short period of time. He also showed her that He was still with her. He reminded her of His love and how He wanted to see her life transformed in Him.

She came home at the end of the summer feeling refreshed and renewed. She knew she could trust Love and that she could forgive and move on with her life. She had a purpose again, and she wanted to share Love with everyone around her.

And she began doing just that. She found joy in the simplest of things. From going to a movie with a friend to sharing the Christmas story with kids, she knew Love would use anything she did for His glory.

But there were thoughts running through her mind. Thoughts she didn't want to share with anyone because she was afraid they would look at her like she was crazy. She always felt as if no one really cared about her. Like she could just disappear, and no one would ever notice. She always forced these horrible feelings down, but they never went away. She just learned how to live with them.

A couple of years passed, and the girl was headed up to her favorite place in the world. A place where Love always spoke to her and guided her down His path. She would go on walks with Him to an opening where she could sit and talk to Him for hours without ever getting tired.

The girl thought this summer was going to be the best summer of her life, where she would have fun with her best friends and discover what exactly her next steps would be.

Love had another plan though. He was going to make her face what she had buried deep inside: all her horrible feelings. He was going to show her freedom.

The two months in her favorite place were some of the hardest months of her life. She faced sadness, torment, and at some points, she just wanted to end it all. But her friends were there to lift her up and help her through. Without them, she would not have continued on Love's journey for her.

At the end of the summer, she thought the worst was over. She thought she was going to be okay, and that Love was going to show her the purpose for all the suffering and hurt she went through.

But instead Love was silent.

She didn't understand. Had she done something wrong? Did she stray from Him? Where was He? She was alone...

The spiral downward started slowly, and then it rapidly progressed. She felt herself falling farther and farther, deeper and deeper into a dark pit. She didn't see anything but darkness. Her once joyful life had turned to depression. She didn't see any way out.

No one noticed. No one cared. She thought the best thing to do was disappear.

She began going through her things, figuring out what she would want to leave behind, and what she could go ahead and get rid of. It was harder than she thought it was going to be. She starting writing notes to everyone she wanted to say goodbye to...everyone who meant a lot to her and had made a difference in her life.

It was then Love intervened.

He brought several people into her life who reminded her of how much she was loved. They helped her see that she didn't need to be perfect for others to like her or love her, but that she just needed to be herself.

She started seeing the light at that moment. She could feel Love's guiding hand lifting her out of the dark pit that she had begun to think was her new home.

Love transformed her. She started seeing herself as beautiful and valued. Something she had never really thought of herself as before.

She continued on with her life, almost afraid to accept the change that Love had made in her life, fearing that she would fall again.

Eventually, Love convinced her that He was with her. She needed not fear anything, for He was right by her side.

A couple days later, something happened. She had a horrible day, and nothing was going right. She could feel herself start decending into the pit, but Someone grabbed her arm.

Love was there. Just as He promised.

He lifted her up and filled her mind with other promises that He had made to her. Promises fulfilled and promises yet to come. He also filled her mind with songs. Songs she could carry with her about His love and all that He would do in her life.

The girl was overwhelmed. She still could not comprehend a love this magnificent. She still wanted to follow Him down whatever path He may choose. Even with what she had gone through, she knew that she could make it through anything with Him by her side. Her love for Him had grown deeper than it had ever been in the past, and she knew without a doubt that by His side was where she wanted to be. Both now and forevermore.

Love is still guiding her. The girl doesn't know where He will take her in the future, but she does know that she is safe in His arms. He will take her on an amazing journey everyday of her life. And she can't wait to see where tomorrow will lead."

That last paragraph? 

It's still true. 

It's still my life. 

I had no idea that the Lord

 would uproot me from NM

and bring me all the way to NC. 

No. Idea.

But He did. 

He moved me to keep me dependent

and to keep teaching me. 

And He shall continue to work and move. 

I know that He still has so much to teach me. 

And with His help, 

I will keep learning. 

I don't know what God has in 

store for this next season of my life.

Sometimes I wish that I did. 

Honestly, I wish I knew what was 

coming up a lot. 

But that's for God to know, 

and me to find out. 

I know I can trust Him.

And that's what's so wonderful. 

Blessings.

This Madness Called Life

So I have seriously been
contemplating this post for a while.
I've thought of really creative
titles, themes, and stories
to tell.
But basically,
I just am a mess of ideas.
So many things are running through
my mind constantly.
If these ideas were legit marathon
runners, they would have
won 30 by now.
No joke.
Because of all these things
going through my mind,
I have been unable to just focus
on one specific thing to write about.
Therefore,
this will be a mix-n-match session.
I figure it could get pretty interesting.
I mean,
if you're willing to track with me for a bit.
I honestly just need to write--
get some stuff out of my head
and onto "paper."
So...
here goes.

Part 1:
Homesickness comes and goes a lot
these days.
There are days when I'm just fine.
And then all of a sudden,
a ton of bricks drop out of the sky
and land right on me.
(Not literally. But that's what it feels like.)
The deep desire and longing
to see my family again,
to give my parents a hug,
to sit and watch a movie with my sister,
to help my mom make dinner,
to curl up under one of my dad's jackets,
to sit around the dinner table with my family
and share a meal together all the while talking
about what happened that day.
I miss it.
All of it.
Even the hard days.
I don't think I ever realized how
hard it would be when I first moved.
And sometimes I just don't think I even
realized that it would just keep getting harder.
When there's so much going on back home
with my family that I wish I could be there to support
them through,
it's hard to be away.
And not just a couple of hours away,
I'm all the way across the country.
Over a 24 hour drive.
It's hard.
So,
these waves of homesickness
have come and gone a lot more
frequently over the last few weeks.
And they've been lingering a lot longer.
Sometimes one will hit,
and I just want to crumble under the weight
placed on my heart.
A lot of times I just start tearing up,
knowing that I can't go home
and see them...
yes, I can always talk to them.
And I do. A lot.
But it's just not the same.
...
But.
In all this,
the Lord is at work.
I will not take for granted
any moment that I get with my family.
Because it is precious.
Very precious.
I have very vivid memories
from when I still lived at home,
and I will forever treasure those times in my mind.
Those are what I remember
when I get a wave of homesickness.
Those memories help push me through.
But,
I am also looking forward to the memories
that are to be had in the future.
Specifically:
Thanksgiving.
It. Will. Be. Epic.

Part 2:

Last week,

Rach and I went to the fair with some friends!!

It was such a blessing!

We had a lot of fun 

hanging out in the Midway 

and playing some games. 

We even won some fish,

Jones and Pippin. 

(Both fish have since died.

Oh well, it was short lived.)

But anyway, 

our friends are from Turkey, 

and they had never been 

to an American State Fair. 

So this was a good opportunity 

for us to introduce them to one. 

And it was great to get to know them

better. 

I look forward to when

we get to spend more time with them!

Part 3:

I've been thinking a lot lately

about how desperately I 

am in need of Christ.  

I need Him to continue the work that He began. 

I need Him to continue to change my 

affections to Himself. 

And I've also been noticing

how hard it is for me to admit that. 

I don't like to admit that I am desperate. 

But the cross exposes my pride. 

I have to let go constantly. 

I have to allow God to move and 

work in my life. 

I am constantly having to recite

the Gospel to myself, 

reminding me of the depravity 

I was in before 

and of the grace that has been 

lavished on me

by the Father. 

It's beautiful.

O so beautiful. 

Part 4:
Lately,
I've been kinda feeling like I'm on the outside.
It's been hard.
I've been watching the people I
was really close to last semester
just kinda drift away.
And I feel helpless to do anything about it.
I've tried to re-connect.
But I just don't know if
there's much of anything left there.
You know how you have seasons
of friendships?
And sometimes it's worse to
try to cling to things?
I think that's where I'm at right now.
The Lord brought us together for a short season,
and it's starting to look like it's time to part.
But more than that,
I feel like I'm still waiting
to be ushered into a new family/friend group.
I don't know quite what to do.
But,
these kinds of things take time.
Especially with me.
You know,
I'm the shy, quiet girl.
I just have a hard time opening up to
people I don't know well.
Even in this, the Lord will have His way.
In my waiting and seeking after Him in all these
things, I've been
stricken
with a deeper affection for Christ.
I've been awed
by His grace, mercy,
and His love.
And though I may feel like an outsider,
I'm really not.
I've been brought into the family of God.
I've been welcomed by the Creator Himself.
And I am loved.
And God has blessed me with a wonderful
friend,
Rachel.
I thank God countless times
daily
for crossing our paths
and using us in each others' lives
to spur one another on towards
love and good works.
It's so encouraging.
And I'm so thankful for her.

Part 5:
Did I mention that
I'm
really
excited about going to Thanksgiving!?
It will be the first week off I've had in a long time.
But also,
it will be the first time that I'll see my family
since July.
I do believe that it is time
for some fam time.
I'll be spending a lot of quality time
with my mom, my dad, and my sister,
both individually and collectively.
And I'll get some good time with
my extended family.
There will be around 30 of us gathered
for the holiday.
Ah.
It will be lovely.
And,
can I just say that I am so excited about
Thanksgiving Day?!
Ho my word.
I found the perfect present for my dad.
And that's what we'll be doing on
Thanksgiving.
Ha.
Totes excited.
We're going to the
Cowboys v Redskins
Thanksgiving Day Game
at the Cowboys Stadium.
Yes,
that's right,
I finally got a present that I know my dad will enjoy.
But not only that,
we get to do it together.
My first NFL experience,
and it'll be with my daddy.
So. Good.
But anyway,
I can't wait for Thanksgiving week.
Seriously.

Part 6?:
Yes, Part 6:
I guess that's really...
never mind,
I have another story.
Ha.
So, Monday night I went to school,
had lunch with a friend to catch up,
went to work,
and then there was a concert that I went to.
You see,
I was tired that night.
I could have easily just left work,
but I chose to stay.
And I'm so thankful I did.
I ate dinner with a precious family.
They were such a blessing,
and they made me laugh so much.
And then I went to the concert with them.
It was a middle school band, choir, and orchestra concert.
Ah-dorbs.
I watch some of these kids in the
after school program I work for,
so I thought it would be cool
to go support them in this.
I thought I would only see one or two of them.
But instead I saw eight.
Eight of my kids were performing that night. 
And they were excited that I would
take some time to watch their concert.
It was so worth it.
It was worth being a little more sleepy the next day.


So.
I do believe that is all.
Well, for now anyway.
I still have a lot on my mind.
But, that's okay.

Blessings.

Sheets

can sometimes be difficult to find.
(So, just to forewarn you, this might
be one of the most random blog
posts I've ever done before.
Random.
But, I feel like I must write it.
Why?
I have no idea.
But I do.)

Anyway,
back in August, I bought a bed.
And what a absolutely marvelous bed it is.
Seriously.
It's memory foam.
It conforms to my body when I sleep.
It's so comfortable.
Well, when I bought the bed,
I didn't realize that my sheets wouldn't fit.
I figured my twin size sheets
should fit my new twin size bed.
Right?!
Nope.
They sure did not fit!
Well, that's not true.
One set fit,
but the other one didn't.
Funny thing is,
they are the same brand, same size.
So, here I was with only one sheet set that
fit my bed.
Just one.
And yeah,
I could have lived with just one sheet set.
But I just wanted one extra set,
just in case.
So,
I asked my parents for new sheets for my birthday!
It seemed like a smart idea.
I needed new sheets,
and I knew they would be happy to get me some.
When my birthday finally arrived,
I opened my gift from my parents,
and what do you know?
they got me three sets of sheets!
It was such a joyous occasion!
They were bright, vibrant colors!
And I knew they would match the other colors in my room!
I immediately took them out of the packaging
and put them on my bed to see if they would fit!
And they just barely did,
but I thought the just barely would be enough.
So I washed them.
...
The results weren't so pretty.
They shrunk.
A lot.
And by a lot,
I mean they wouldn't even reach all four corners
of my twin size bed!
It should not be that difficult to get sheets that fit my
silly bed!
Anyway,
all of the sheet sets that my parents got me
ended up not fitting my bed.
So, I ended up taking them back tonight.
In their place, I walked away
with one sheet set
(along with a few other things).
But this one sheet set is good.
I think it'll actually work.
I'm about to go take them out of the dryer and
see.
...
...
And we've got a winner!!
Woot!

Silly, I know.
But this is so exciting!
I have another sheet set now!

Anyway,
life is good.
It's been a long week.
But the Lord has been faithful
in it all.
And I'm so thankful He's still working in my heart.

Blessings.

Bones

So all of you who really know

me are probably thinking 

that I'm going to talk about 

the tv show Bones. 

Because I really like that show. 

It's probably one of my favorites. 

But anyway, 

you're wrong. 

I'm not going to talk about the show. 

You see, there's this song. 

It's called "Bones"

and it's by Hillsong United.

It's wonderful.

And for the past few weeks 

it's been on repeat in my brain. 

Take a listen. 

http://youtu.be/1zbx2x0Imh8

So anyway, 

it's really simple, right?

But the lyrics. 

They get me every time.

Every.

Time. 

It's a cry to the Father, 

asking Him to come and 

breathe life back into me. 

It's a cry for Him 

to teach me to love 

like He loves me. 

And why shouldn't I be asking that?

I mean, His Spirit is in me. 

I desire to see Him active and moving

in my life. 

But also in the lives around me. 

How incredible is it that 

I can even ask the Father 

to come and work in me. 

I shouldn't have any right to 

utter a word in His presence. 

But because of His great grace 

and mercy I can come before Him. 

It's beautiful. 

This song points me back to the 

Gospel every time I hear it. 

It reminds me of Ephesians. 

Yesterday Tony preached through

Ephesians 1:3-14.

I can't even describe how many times

I just about bawled my eyes out. 

God's grace is just so very evident. 

And as he was preaching, 

I just felt His grace fall fresh 

on my heart. 

Wave after wave 

washed over my soul

as I saw again and again in Scripture

how much He loves, 

how great He loves, 

and how richly He loves. 

I am so undeserving. 

But I'm not leaving this grace. 

I'm going to stand in it. 

Blessings.

To the Praise of His Glorious Grace

So.
The book of Ephesians has been
running though my mind over the past
few weeks.
Well, I guess it's been
a couple of months now.
Alicia and I have
been memorizing it.
And, this past Sunday
IDC has started going through
it as a Body.
What.
A.
Blessing.
The Lord has used
Ephesians in my life in great ways in the past.
Great ways.

Last night at Growth Group,
we were asked to reflect
on Ephesians and how the Lord has used it in our lives
to impact us.
Well, looking back at it,
I can see so many parts of my life
where Ephesians has had a huge impact.
I can remember that Ephesians 2:8-9
being some of the first Bible verses
I ever memorized.
About Two years ago I listened
to a podcast
of Cornerstone Church
preach through Ephesians.
A lot of what I heard,
the Lord used to capture my heart
and draw me towards a closer
relationship with Himself.
(That's when I was going through
my dark depression.)
Ephesians 3:20-21 came out
as one of my life verses.
I live thinking that if I live
for His glory,
then that is for my benefit.
He is so good!
Recently,
my heart has been changed by the Gospel.
Even more so than before.
I am constantly learning
that I am more desperate for the grace
that has already been lavished on me.
In memorizing on Ephesians,
I have discovered that the Gospel
is being drawn deeper and deeper
into my heart.
He's drawing me deeper.
He's making me want Him more.
And it's so wonderful.
Through Ephesians,
I have seen the Lord's pursuit
of me in a different way.
He is still chasing after me.
And I pray He never stops.

I am so excited to see what I learn
over the next weeks
that IDC spends in Ephesians.
I'm excited to see what the Lord
will teach me.
I'm excited to see how He will
continue to change my heart.
I'm excited to see how He
will draw His Body together as one.
I'm excited to see how He will lead
His people in living for His glory.

May my life be to the praise of His glory.
Blessings.

It's been a good day.

No, really,
it has!
Actually,
it's been a really great week.
The Lord has really worked in some powerful ways.
And I'm excited to share a little bit.

This week started out to be a little
crazy busy.
Mondays always seem to be the
busiest,
even though I only go to one of
my classes.
But, Monday was a blessing,
because Monday night
I got to spend some time
with Krystal
and help her do some things for her classroom.

Tuesday was lovely.
It was a good day at both jobs,
and I went to a new growth group.
So, it was good.
Even though I was overwhelmed by
new people,
the Lord still used that night
to continue to draw me to Himself.
It was so good.

Wednesday
the highlight had to be
dinner with Callie.
We got to enjoy chicken
(I tried out a new recipe),
mashed potatoes,
and green beans,
as well as each other's company.
Again,
the Lord truly blessed me
that night.
He encouraged me and pushed me
towards Himself
through our time of fellowship.
So good.
OH!
I totally almost forgot!
So, Wednesday,
Rach and I took a loaf of
friendship bread
over to the Turkish family
in our complex.
oh. my. word.
The Lord did incredible things in the 30 minutes we were there.
We got to know the wife, better.
But we also got to meet the husband.
Rachel also got to talk to them for a while about
religion.
And we shared that we are Christians.
And they actually want to
spend more time with us.
They want to come over to our apartment,
and have dinner with us.
Oh. my. goodness.
It's such an evidence of God's grace!
He is so good!
And I pray He continues to give us
opportunities to minister
and love on this family!

Thursday was a good day.
It was Missions Night at IDC,
and the team that traveled to Turkey
shared what went down.
I was serving in childcare that night,
so I don't really know how it went,
but Rachel told me that
the Lord moved in great ways there.
So, yeah.

And today.
TODAY
has been good.
I mean, really good.
I bought tickets for a football game,
so that I can take my dad to it.
Let's just paint the picture:
I am a girl who is not really into sports.
I especially am not a huge fan of watching games on tv.
It's just not fun.
But I do enjoy going to a game.
And I enjoy going to games with my dad.
His favorite team is the Dallas Cowboys.
Always has been,
always will be.
We're going to be in the area
for one of the best games of the season...
Thanksgiving Day Cowboys v. Redskins.
He loves watching the
Thanksgiving day game.
Loves it.
So, why should he not actually go to the game?
No reason not to.
So.
I got the tickets.
And we're going.
I'm so excited!!
I told him about it today,
and he's really excited too!

But anyway,
it's been a really good day.
The Lord has been abundantly
gracious this week.
I don't deserve it.
At all.
But I'm so thankful
that He's seen fit to shower me with His love.
The Gospel is still working in my heart,
and I can see His refining work
continue to change me more and more.
I am beyond thankful.

Blessings

Fall is the Best

My reasoning behind this?

Let me explain.

1. The weather starts to get cooler. 

I enjoy the cool weather. 

It is definitely the best. 

I love getting to wear sweaters

and curl up on the couch under a blanket

with the windows open. 

Dah. It's wonderful.

2. I LOVE PUMPKIN!

Okay, I know I may sound strange. 

But some of my favorite things are 

pumpkin things. 

Pumpkin spiced lattes, pumpkin pie,

pumpkin scones, pumpkin cookies,

pumpkin cake, pumpkin smoothies...

I mean, the list could go on and on.

But, generally, pumpkin-flavored things

are only around in the fall. 

Ergo, I love fall.

3. Candy corn is my favorite candy.

And it's only here during the first part

of the fall season. 

What does this mean?

I stock up. Big time. 

Last year I bought 4 bags of candy corn

and my mom sent me 2 bags. 

And I made it through 4 of them...

I still had them sitting in my closet. 

And when my parents sent me a care package

the other day...

guess what they included?!

That's right!

Candy corn! 

Holla!

4. Thanksgiving, my second favorite holiday, occurs during this season.

It truly is one of my faves. 

I get to cook good food. 

(As well as partake of it.)

And I get to hang out with family. 

And I'm especially excited about this year. 

It's going to be awesome. 

5. The Balloon Fiesta happens!!

I miss being present in ABQ for this. 

But at least I can watch it online. 

It was one of my favorite events to go to yearly. 

I even had a couple of birthday parties there. 

Yep, that's right. 

I would make my friends wake up at the crack of dawn

to go with me and watch hundreds of balloons 

go up in the air at the same time. 

It's a beautiful sight. 

And I missed going last year because

I was in NC. 

And I will be in NC again for it this year. 

But still. 

I will be watching it online. 

6. My birthday is during this season. 

Not that my birthday means very much 

to a whole lot of people.

But it's still my birthday. 

And I still like having fun with friends on my birthday. 

And stuff like that. 

7. The leaves change color. 

This is perhaps the most important of reasons. 

The leaves change color.

It is wonderful. 

I love all the reds, oranges, and yellows. 

Ah. 

I can't wait to go driving through the mountains

to see all the colors. 

I can't wait to sit on my couch 

and just stare at the loveliness 

that God has created. 

Fall reminds me of my creator. 

It reminds me that as things change

and seasons come and go, 

my God never changes. 

He is the One who has saved me. 

He is the One who has lavished His grace on me. 

I don't deserve it.

But He's done it because of His love.

And fall reminds me of that.

So. 

Those are my reasons. 

And I'm sticking to to them.

The Lord is good. 

Blessings.

Life is funny.

Well, most of the time that is.
The past few weeks
have been crazy busy.
But the Lord has taught me a lot
through them.
I've been having a hard time
here lately.
Not only with being homesick
and really missing my family.
But also with life in general.
I've been feeling excluded,
unloved, and unwanted.
But, as I've been coming out
of that period of darkness,
the Lord has allowed me to
look back at it
and remember that those were exactly
how I was before I knew Christ.
I was lost in the passions and lusts of the flesh.
I was excluded from all the blessings of
being a child of the Most Holy God.
I was not loved by the world,
but simply part of the cycle of sin.
I was not wanted by people,
but was used.
But now. This is just not the case.
The Lord has been reminding me
constantly
of His gospel and of His grace
and love for me.
He has made me more aware
of the people around me
who might be feeling those same things.
But most of all.
He's made me so thankful
for the people He has placed in
my life who really do care about me.
Those people who are by my side and
who I know are praying for me on a
consistent basis,
who are encouraging me.
To know these things
has been a huge blessing.
And I know the Lord will continue to grow
me and stretch me in this area.
I desperately need Him to,
that's for sure.

But, anyway.
I'm trying to make a rather big
decision right now.
And it's so frustrating,
because I just don't know what to do.
I don't know which path would be better.
And in reality, I think they are both good.
But, which would be better, or
in which would I grow most,
I have no earthly idea.
I have been praying for discernment and
wisdom about this for a while.
And I still have yet to come to a
conclusion.
But I know the Lord is faithful,
and He will help me make a decision.
He will guide me.
And in the end,
if I am trusting Him and pursuing after Him,
then whatever decision I make,
laying aside all selfishness,
will be His will for me.
He's not going to let me go down the wrong path.
He's going to keep me close to Him.
Which is what I have been asking for.
There is no black and white answer,
as far as I can tell.
But I know that He will be faithful.

Oh,
exciting news:
I am going to see my family for Thanksgiving!!
Yay!
I am so very excited about this!
And I cannot wait to head out to see them!
It will be one of the greatest blessings to see
all of them in November!

Um, but yeah.
That's my life:
work, school, church, friends, and spending time with the Lord.
It's a good life.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Blessings.

God is SO Good

He really is.
I just don't know what else to say.
He's been so good to me over the past few weeks.
I started my second job two weeks ago now,
And it has been a huge blessing.
The people that I work with
Have been a lot of fun to get to know,
And I know the Lord has something to teach me through them.
Keva Juice is still good.
And I'm loving my coworkers. Especially one of them.
I feel like the Lord has particularly
Blessed our friendship thus far.
And I'm really excited to see what He has in store through that as well.
Also, my class started up this past Monday!
Holla! It's going to be a TON of reading over this semester,
But there is so much that I can learn,
And I'm just so excited about all of it!

So, we have gotten a lot of things for our apartment!
Things are all falling into plac!
PraiseGod!
We have couches!
I have a bed! We have a table and chairs!
And our walls have been painted!
It's absolutely incredible!
And all in less than a month!
I can't wait to start hosting people in our home
And welcoming them in the name of the Lord!
I'm so so excited!
I feel like the Lord has been so gracious to me,
And I seriously just can't help but praise Him for it!

Anyway,
My life right now is busy and crazy,
But I wouldn't have it any other way!
I can't wait to see
What the Lord is going to do in my life
Over the next semester of my life.
There's so much that He can do,
And I just hope that He will use me any way that
He sees fit!

He is good!
Blessings

Moving and all that Jazz

So.
Long story short:
I'm tired.
So this is probably going to
be on the short side.
Plus,
the Starbucks
is going to close in
30 minutes.
Meaning I can't
write forever and ever.
Good think for you, because
I have a lot to say.

This past week has been
incredibly busy.
So let me start with the beginning.
Monday started the first of
three nights
that I closed at work.
It was intimidating at first--
there's so much to do!!!
And Wednesday was the first
night that I was at the store
by myself!
Talk about freaked out!!
But, the Lord brought me through it.
I survived.
And I'm pretty sure that I
did everything I was supposed to.
The first part of the week
I was also freaking out
about the apartment
situation.
I was trying to keep it all
together and remember that
the Lord was on the throne and
in control.
But it was hard.
It was a battle that I fought
with every ounce of my being.
But.
Wednesday we found out that
we got the apartment.
And then began the mad
dash to get everything done.
It was incredible.
And the Lord gave me the
strength and energy to do all the preliminary
things, so that we could move in Friday!


So Friday came along.
Rachel came down from VA to
sign the lease and help move in.
Krystal met us at the apartments.
And we signed our lives away for
the next year.
And we began the move-in
process.
Can I just tell you,
I am so thankful for some of my friends.
Specifically two close guy friends
who helped Rach and me pack up our
stuff from the storage unit and
move it to our apartment.
[Colby, Chaston,
I am forever grateful for your
help and the way that you two
were able to fit
EVERYTHING
except for two boxes and a bike
into a mini-van and a bug.
It was incredible to see that happen.
I know Rach and I would have had to
make so many more trips
if it hadn't been for you two.]
Anyway, Rach and I finished the
move from WaFo on
Saturday morning,
and we continued the unpacking process.

Saturday night I went
to a friend's house where a bunch
of single ladies from my church
were hanging out for the night.
It was so much fun to get to know
some more ladies who are
around my age or a little older.
I'm so thankful for my church
and the way the Lord continues
to use it and the people in it
to further my walk with Him.

Truly,
this has been a wonderful,
blessed week/weekend.
The Lord has continually taught me
to rely on Him for all things.
He is good.
He is provider.
And He will continue to show
His goodness to me for the rest of my days.
Even if the clouds show up for seasons of
life and it seems like He's not there,
I still have the confidence and hope that
He is using all situations for my ultimate
good and to grow me more into
the likeness of Christ.
And that's exactly what I want and need.

I can't wait to see what He's going to do next.
Not only in my life,
but in the lives around me.

Blessings.

[P.S.
If you need to get ahold of me...
you had better text/call me.
I don't have internet at my apartment,
so I can't answer any emails
or facebook messages
quickly.
And I don't think that I'll really
be going to a place with internet
more than a couple days a week...
So.
Call me.
Or text me.
If you need me that is.]

Almost a Year Later...

I've just realized
that I never did an
intro of my roommate.
Ha. Go Bekah!
Anyway,
she wasn't my roommate
the second half of my first
semester or my second
semester.
BUT
we're going to be roommates
again soon!

So, maybe it is time
that I share a little bit
about her.

This is a picture of Rachel and me.
From last October.
Obviously,
my blonde hair has grown out
quite a bit since then,
but Rachel looks pretty much the
same.
And since then,
we've become a whole lot
closer.
A whole lot.

Rachel is amazing.
She is so very passionate about the Lord,
about serving Him,
and about sharing the Gospel with others.
She has encouraged me through
so many hard times,
and she's been there to pray for me
and lift me up before the Father
when I didn't have the strength to
go before Him myself.
Rachel is by far so much more
outgoing than I am.
But I am so thankful for it.
The Lord knew that I would
need someone to help
break me out of my
shell and help me get
to know other people.
She's been a great friend to me,
and I am so very thankful
that the Lord brought her into
my life a year ago!

(It's been a little over a year
since I first started talking to Rachel.
We first started emailing, and,
I have to say,
it was awkward.
But, it was then that
the Lord started blooming
a wonderful
friendship.)

Anyway,
I thought I would go ahead
and share some about her.

Blessings.
(Oh, and if y'all could be praying
for her, that would be awesome!
She's working in VA as a youth intern
at a church, and it's her last couple of weeks,
so, pray for strength to finish out strong
for the Lord.)

His Faithfulness

has been evident to me
once again.
So, my last post,
I was trying to see the
joy in not having a job.
I was trying to use my
time wisely in spending it
with the Lord
and in growing closer to Him.
Well,
I saw the Lord's faithfulness
proven once again.

This past Monday,
I remembered that a smoothie shop
at a mall was hiring.
So I stopped by and dropped
off my resume.
That night,
I was asked to come in
on Tuesday for an
interview.
Tuesday I went in
for an interview,
and I walked away
with a job.
My first day was
Wednesday.
He is faithful.
For reals.
I was not expecting that at all.
At all.
He let everything fall into
place
so
quickly.
I am thankful.
I am amazed.
He is so good.
He is provider.
And I can't stop thanking
Him for this opportunity.

And not only that,
I'm pretty sure I found an apartment
that my friends and I want to
live in.
And it wasn't even me who found it.
I had never heard of these
before,
but my friend looked into them.
And it looks like it's all going to work out.
I'm still waiting to find out for sure.
But, as of right now,
it's looking good.
More to come on this.
But, I'm excited.
Really excited.

And.
My parents are looking for another church.
And it's so incredible to hear
about this new journey
the Lord is taking them on.
It really is.
I listened to my dad
talk for a while about the church
they've been visiting.
And he's just so
excited about it.
It's such a joy to hear them
talk with excitement about going
to church and trying to get involved.
God's grace has been so
evident in my family's life
over the past 6 months or so.
I wish I could be there to see
it firsthand.
But I'm so thankful that I get to
watch God move and work in their
lives.
Even if it's from
a distance.
So great.

Anyway,
God is good.
I'm more than amazed.

Blessings.

Joblessness

does not suit me.

I like to be constructive 

with my time.

And not having something 

to do, 

someone to work for

has been rather difficult.

Because if I don't 

have some sort of a schedule

or some reason to get up

and go, 

I don't. 

I tend to just hang around

and just chill in my pj's all day.

It's a dangerous place to be in.

Which is why I'm thankful

that friends have been wanting 

to meet up with me and go do things

the past couple of days. 

It gives me something else to do

other than sit in front of my 

computer all day filling out 

endless applications

for jobs. 

Looking for a job is always something 

that the Lord uses

to build patience in my life. 

Always.

It's so frustrating. 

I want it to work that when I 

apply for a job, 

I hear back from them

within a couple of days

and have them tell me yes or no.

Often, I just get the response of no. 

Which can be even more frustrating. 

I want to get a job. 

I want to be able to pay bills 

and be a productive member of 

society...

do they not see that?

Anyway, 

as I was re-reading Hebrews today, 

the Lord reminded me of Sarah's plight.

Hebrews 11:11 says

"By faith even Sarah herself received ability to conceive, even beyond the proper time of life, since she considered Him faithful who had promised." (Emphasis added.)

Sarah was an old woman. 

God promised her that she

would have a son. 

And she had 

the audacity to 

believe

Him. 

Sarah didn't have the faith

in her body to help her have 

her son. 

But she had faith 

in the God of the universe. 

She believed that the 

Lord is faithful

and that He would follow

through on His promises. 

Now, I'm not saying that 

God has promised me a job. 

But I do know that He has 

promised to take care of all

my needs. 

He will be there for me 

through this time of uncertainty. 

And I can completely trust in Him.

And that is absolutely fantastic. 

I choose to believe in the 

One who holds the stars 

in His hands. 

As I continued along 

in my journey through

Hebrews,

the Lord reminded me

that I can still be constructive 

in all the downtime I have.

Hebrews 12:1-2 says

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
During this time, I can fix 

my eyes on the Prize:

Jesus. 

I can choose to spend 

my time with Him 

instead of wasting it away 

with hours spent on the internet

or watching movies.

I can be faithful in 

prayer and getting in the Word

and in encouraging my friends 

in their walks with the Lord. 

What an encouraging time!

Instead of worrying about not 

having a job, I can

spend it diving into a deeper 

relationship with the One I love.

As I continued in my reading, 

I read

Hebrews 12:28-29:

"Therefore, since we receive a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us show gratitude, by which we may offer to God an acceptable service with reverence and awe; for our God is a consuming fire."

In the past, I always started 

freaking out 

after not hearing back from 

anyone after a week about

a job. 

But looking back, 

I have always seen

how the Lord

provided the right

job in His time. 

So. 

This time, 

I want it to be different. 

I don't want to freak out. 

But I want to choose to be grateful

for what the Lord is doing in my life. 

I want to be grateful

that He's going to use this time to grow me

and continue to shape me 

more into the likeness of His Son. 

I already have "a kingdom that cannot be shaken"

because it's found in the Creator. 

So whatever happens on this 

earth just doesn't compare. 

I shouldn't worry about these things. 

But I should focus on Him. 

Along those same lines,

Hebrews 13:5 says

"Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, 'I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you.'"

Right now, 

I need to be content with what I have. 

It's not much. 

But still, 

the Lord has given it to me. 

So I need to be the best steward

of what I have. 

And I need to be thankful to Him

for blessing me in this way. 

He is good. 

He deserves all praise and glory. 

Psalm 145

I will extol You, my God, O King, and I will bless Your name forever and ever. Every day I will bless You, and I will praise Your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord, and highly to be praised, and His greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall praise Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts.

On the glorious splendor of Your majesty and on Your wonderful works, I will meditate. Men shall speak of the power of Your awesome acts, and I will tell of Your greatness. They shall eagerly utter the memory of Your abundant goodness and will shout joyfully of Your righteousness.

The Lord is gracious and merciful; slow to anger and great in lovingkindness. The Lord is good to all, and His mercies are over all His works. All Your works shall give thanks to You, O Lord, and Your godly ones shall bless You. They shall speak of the the glory of Your kingdom and talk of Your power; to make known to the sons of men Your mighty acts and the glory of the majesty of Your kingdom. Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and Your dominion endures throughout all generations.

The Lord Sustains all who fall and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to You, and You give them their food in due time. You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing. 

The Lord is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His deeds. The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He will also hear their cry and will save them. The Lord keeps all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy. My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord, and all flesh will bless His holy name forever and ever. 

Hebrews 13:20-21

Now the God of peace, who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, even Jesus our Lord, equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

Blessings.